happy old year

mood: tired
music: EVERYTHING

Well it's not the new year yet and I am kind of killing time until an appropriate hour to get smashed. Between now and that magical time I plan on sleeping for at least ten hours, cleaning my hell hole of a room to ensure a fresh start to the new year... and I don't know what else.
Maybe I should come up with some illustrious new years resolutions... hmm...

1. get a thousand dollars in my bank account, and therefore defeat the evil bank fees
2. bang somebody
3. paint something and then sell it to some poor sucker for more than it's worth
4. smuggle myself to France
5. not fail english literature

Those sound pretty good so far.

I should also mention that I am the proud mommy of a new iPod!! HAHAHAHA! That's 30 GB of raw sex appeal, bitches -- envy me!! (Now I can listen to my fabulous Grease soundtrack to my heart's content and no one can do anything about it! AHAHAHA!)

And I'm spent!

Boob heaven

Mood: good... but-AH!-cramps! I am dieing.
Music: pink floyd - another brick in the wall

I have found the zen of bras. It is black. It is comfortable. It was cheap. The underwiring is not poking into my respiratory system. And last but not least, it makes my 34A boobs look AT LEAST *almost* 34B. And that is super.

So, yeah. It was Christmas and stuff. Happy belated birthday to you, Jesus. Keep on rockin' in the free world.
The big Christmas Eve family/communal dining experience wasn't that great this year... mainly because my Omi cooked rabbit which I couldnt eat on the grounds that rabbits are really really cute. So I ended up having just broccoli and potatoes.
But other than that Christmas totally kicked ass. And I am getting an iPod. And that is awesome.

And apparently I am married to The Russian and I have 2.5 kids, a dog, a white picket fence and who could forget the mini van. Geez, things you never knew... I guess the holiday stress finally to me and I just forgot. (Sorry, kids.)

Anywhoo. I'd best be off now. Happy Holidays.

...And Ta Da!

How to Piss Off Your Mother

Mood: tired
Music: marshmallow world

Okay so The Mother and I are in this ongoing arguement because apparently it has just dawned on her that University costs money. So tonight she was already steaming over that when Jake refused to do the dishes. So she ended up doing them, and to get her point across, putting away the pots and pans with Hulk Smash force.
And so then I decided it would be a good idea to tell her that it sounded like she was 'trying to murder the Tin Man'.
And now she won't speak to me.

*sigh*

...Women.


[edited to add: Now my stat counter is sporting festive holiday colours! Isn't it cute? It is now set to count only pages that are viewed for a certian ammount of time! I feel so technological!]

Welcome to the family!

I now have a brand-new STAT COUNTER!!!! (Sidebar! Sidebar! Sidebar!) Right now I have it set to count every single alt.anne page load... SO! Read an entry? THAT'S A STAT!!! Leave a comment? THAT'S A STAT TOO!!!!! Refresh the page a bunch of times so that you may have a conversation with my Random Surrealism Generator? HEY! THAT IS ALSO A STAT! In fact, that is many, MANY STATS! (Though kind of strange...) So as a general rule of thumb, the numbers are between three to five times higher than they actually are which means, as you can see, that my head is about three to five times bigger than it should be.

...Just jokes. I get to look at pretty graphs that don't lie. And you don't get to see them.

And I am very happy because for once, technology and I have worked together in harmony! YAY!

Ta Da

[Edited to say: apparently there is a link to my blog from the land of the rising sun. Who knew?]

Ghetto Music

Mood: tired
Music: Luke Doucet - Wallow

So the other day during his prep period at West Hell Secondary School in Owen Sound, The Father was on his way back from Harvey's when he came across a student doing a burnout in a pickup truck in the back of the school parking lot.
So he says to himself, he says "Okay, asshole" And proceeds to jot down the licence plate of the above mentioned naughty student.
Later that day when he ran into the VP, he mentioned that he'd gotten the licence plate number of the kid doing the burnout which must have been on the security tape because, to take a stand against juvenile delinquency, the school had been channeling about half it's funding towards a brand new fleet of security cameras for the past couple of years.
"Ummm..." The VP spoke rather sheepishly. "Actually we may have missed that... you see, right now that camera is only programmed to watch it's own perimeter" he explained. "So, anything that happens in the parking lot would be... out of range. BUT!! Next time someone tries to steal the camera, we got him!!" He finished triumphantly.

And so I laughed and cried for their system at the same time.

Ghetto Music...

God Save The Queen

Mood: content
Music: Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit

Is it hot in here, or is it just that tall, handsome English co-worker standing over there?

A question I had asked myself many a time during the course of the evening.

Things I know about my tall, handsome English co-worker:

• he is tall
• he is handsome
• he can drive a car
• he has an English accent
• he looks like Cillian Murphy
• blue shirt is to English co-worker as red bathingsuit is to Pamela Anderson

As for a name, I havn't quite gotten that far yet...

But, oh! I have my ways. . .*dot dot dot*

Ta Da! ;-)

You have to have a heart to have a broken one

mood: slightly annoyed
music: Luke Doucet - Broken One

Eww, my moodmusic looks American.

I hate people with crappy road etiquette. Mostly they're just annoying, but I especially hate them when they become a threat to your immediate wellbeing.
Like the guy. In the truck. Who cruises around with his blinker on, yet, DOESN'T TURN. And in doing so, causes people at the crosswalk to think to themselves: "Hey! He's turning! Therefore, I may cross the road since his indicated intentions to turn left communicate to me that our paths do not intersect and I will not be run over!"
But, wrong was I as I stepped onto the middle of London Road, causing the blinker-happy jackass to slam on his breaks and go skidding across the intersection, coming to a stop less than a foot away from me.
So I mentally gave him the finger and went home to bitch to The Mother about crappy drivers.

"Well you had the crosswalk light on, it wasn't your fault."

Pfft... Tell that to my nearly-shattered spinal cord.

-Fin-

rock and roll all night

Mood: excellent
Music: I have a KISS song stuck in my head... boo!

Today I went Christmas shopping for five hours(!!!) and came back with a box and a necklace. Go me!

(But I had the pleasure of Cat's company so it was well worth the trip. Yay!)

Ta Da.

ho ho ho! here we go!

Mood: jolly.
Music: red hot chili peppers - under the bridge

If you are one of those people who, say, eats a WHOLE BAG of chips EXCEPT for a handfull of little crumblies at the bottom, or, say, eats a WHOLE BAG of oreo cookies EXCEPT for one little broken down dilapidated cookie left in the netheregions of the bag before returning said bag to the cupboard, than I automatically hate you. Gah! HATE! HATE!

Anywhoo, in other news I have miraculously survived another five hours in Sweater Hell. And I am becoming a rich woman because of it.
Also, I have only 2.5 people left to Christmas shop for (unless I forgot someone again, in whichcase I am probably sorry) which means that soon all the money I make will actually be MINE!! Muahahahaha! So, tomorrow I plan to go downtown in search of anything that can fit into an envalope and not be interpreted as drugs, explosives, or otherwise a threat to homeland security. And also something very very cheap that has The Beatles on it. Yeah... Sounds good. (My plans are still very vague and half-assed at this point, you see.)

Lastly, check out my tree! I am very proud of it.

Ta Da!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Mood: very excited and confused
Music: Jewel - Innocence Maintained

It's that time of year again...

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Okay. So once again the prospect in dawning on me that my relatively unsheltered life is about to become even less sheltered. And that excites me very much. But at the same time... AHH! I have to do my own laundry!!!!

Thus far, my choices are as follows:

1. Nipissing: This is a little university out in the boonies where there's like ten feet of snow year-round and I'll have to rely on dog sled to get to my classes. (Not really!) It's actually really nice and quaint and community-oriented and wouldn't swallow up a little timid girl such as myself like, say, York would. Plus they would give me one thousand two-hundred and fifty dollars for going there. And also, I've always wanted a moose in my backyard. (Really!)

2. Trent and (DUN DUN DUNNNN!) Queen's: This one's really challenging where I'd go to Trent for three years or something, then do my fourth year at Queens (land of the snooty) but it gives you lots of placements. Which is good. If you're going to be a teacher. Also, it's mainly on my list because I can actually get into it this time around. YAY!

3. Windsor: This ones cool because along with a BA and a BEd, I'd get my ECE (Early Childhood Education) diploma which is a pretty sweet deal. But I'd have to be on the alert for bullets flying across the river from Detroit.

4. (last resort) Laurentian: this is kind of my fallback university that I know I'll get into. It's bad because it's in Sudbury and I havn't heard the nicest things about Sudbury. But it's good because it's close to NATURE and it has a sexy medical student in the brochure. He he!

And then there's Waterloo and Wilfrid Laurier that still require my investigation.

AHH! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!!!

Don't count on me.

Mood: hungry. Where is my pizza?
Music: staind - right here waiting

So today I announced, with much conviction, that Mark Twain was the author of The Communist Manifesto.

...Because you can see how one might get Karl Marx and Mark Twain confused. And from now on I promise to pay attention in English class. (Oh wait. I passed that... with an 85. How did THAT happen?)

Also I am pleased to announce that I am now the owner of a purple leather dress. And here I am in a picture that makes me look about as portly as the beast that clothed me.

Moo.

Ciao, Darlings.

show me the money

Mood: achey. I may or may not be coming down with the bird flu.
Music: tori amos - have yourself a merry little christmas

I currently feel le shitty as I have a sore throat and a temperature and a massive convulsing headache and the burning desire to throw up over everything I see, but I'm not allowed to die untill after I've spent all the oodles and oodles of MONEY that I'm going to be making on Saturday at both jobs annnnd babysitting. Tee Hee!

Also: people love me. Yes, that is correct; People. They love me. Today a man not only consented to letting me cut his hair, he actually insisted that I take into my foolish, inexperienced hands a razor-sharp cutting utensil and proceed to use it against his luxurious, finely-groomed head of dark brown locks. (...Maybe he just wanted to piss off his wife or something.) And my boss gave me free hair care products! SWEET! I love stuff! Especially the free kind! And! I did so well on composing my midterm exam for tutoring that my teacher asked me to write her exams for her! SWEET! I love it when people complement my intelligence!

... And if someone sent me a microwave in an X-Wing, why, I'd love them too!

Ta Da.