the perfect couple

Mood: fantastic!!
Music: CCR Mustang Sally

Oh my God, there IS such thing as the perfect couple!! Chocolate and merlot! Where have you been all my life!?! I am in love.

In celebration of my life-changing discovery, I have compiled a list of things I am going to do with the next 12-15 hours of my life:
- listen to some jazz
- enjoy a long, steamy bubble bath
- light and savour a fleet of vanilla scented candles
- insure there is no end to chocolate supply
- sleep for AT LEAST nine solid, heavenly hours
- be downright amazing

The plan is foolproof!!

Ta Da

aww.

Mood: kinda bored.
Music: NIN - Wish

Aww! How cute! Robbie Baby's screen name says
"I REALLY REALLY LIKE _ _ _ _ _ _"! ...He's such a darling! I could do that with my screen name, except mine would only have four blanks. (One for an "F" and then two "o"s and a "d", of course! Oh BABY!)

So, last night I had a dream where instead of saying 'hello' or 'hey' or 'waaaaazuuuup' to someone as a form of greeting, you punched them in the stomach.

And now I'm drinking soy milk and it's really gross.

Over.

update!!

...and an update to say that I am neither anemic nor diabetic. Yay! That means I win.

Organizational Hell.

Mood: swell
Music: Sarah McLachlan - Adia

I have just spent the last two hours creating and printing out calenders and scheduals, and organizing my binders in a desperate and vain attempt at becoming organized. Or, at least organized enough to trick everyone else into thinking that I'm organized.
Embarassingly enough, my new obsession started in Tutoring class when I told my fourteen-year-old boy student to get his work out. The work was out with one graceful sweeping-open of his immaculate schoolbook, while I on the other hand was shuffling through loose papers for the next couple of minutes. Err... right.

So in the last two hours I re-learned how to make Microsoft Excel into my slave, and after an extensive search, successfully located the binder I've been meaning to find for a month! Yay! (It was under some cushons on the window sill.) Oh, that reminds me - nobody look under my bed. It's the portal to hell.

Ta Da.

gimme a break

Mood: zombie/robot of tiredness
Music: A Perfect Circle - Blue

I am taking a break from my 'be a good driver' class. Holy dammit, it's boring!! This morning I was forced to watch this never-ending video made by the government about economic driving, with one of those hosts that somebody's uncool dad decided would appeal to a young audience... He looked like Fonzie.

I kept visualizing myself turning into Emily Rose and cannonballing out the window.

...And now I must return. Godspeed.

Can we fix it? Yes we can!

Mood: alrighty
Music: the clash - white riot

I just had a Bob the Builder moment where I was overcome with the entrepreneurial flare.

This morning (afternoon) when my brother got up, he stepped on the hair straightening iron and broke it, which sent my wire-haired mother into a fit because OH MY GOD HOW CAN I EVER STEP OUTSIDE AGAIN WITHOUT RITUALISTICALLY PERFECTED HAIR!?!?
And so it was straight to the salon to drop a hundred dollars that we don't really have on a brand-spankin'-new hair ritual utensil. She then informed my brother that he would be contributing $40 towards it because he stepped on it, and me that I would also be contributing $40 because apparently I give off the impression of someone who owns a money tree.

Anywhoo. It took me all of five minutes and a blue elastic band to return the broken instrument back to a functioning state. ...Which, had my mother the tendancy in trying times to think more with her head and less with her hair, would have saved us $100.

Dum dee dum! That's my shining moment for you.

Also - today at Driver's Ed. I climbed into a body bag. And then I climbed out of it - what a bonus!! We had to create a car accident scenerio where half the class were 'casualties' and half were 'paramedics'. The instructor had this gross little bag of fake body parts and injuries, like a fake slab of burned skin and some eyeballs and whatnot. So I volunteered to be a dead person who flew through the window because they weren't wearing a seatbelt. ...I was a little cheesed off because the 'paramedics' didn't even check my pulse to see that I was dead, which was quite unprofessional in my opinion. Plus, they were taking forever... so I got a little angsty and started pelting them with eyeballs. He he!

Mmm. I'm in the mood to make a pizza.

Solong, farewell.

a little something on my plate.

mood: fanfuckingtastic.
music: tori amos - enjoy the silence.

Yesterday I had three vials of blood stolen from me to see if I'm anemic or possibly diabetic, and was also informed that I have the blood pressure of someone four feet tall... whatever that means. I guess I have very relaxed arteries. Yay.

Anyways. I've had the pleasure of reliving the adventures of me and my emotionally abusive ex(boy)friend. Which I've managed to not do for quite some time... and blah. I liken it to taking some really stupid drug that makes you feel terrible instead of good. And once you've been off it for a while, it becomes all the more potent when it re-enters your system.

...I think I got hit with the emo stick.

[Edited to add: Just a musing... I don't really know how or when to draw a line that defines someone or something as important to me. But I do know that someone who's mentioned three times in six months has a ways to go before encountering that line.]

saweet.

Mood: thuper!
MusiC: CCR - Mustang Sally

Yay! Something actually happened in one of my two-and-a-half classes that was worth rolling out of bed at such a gross, unnatural hour as seven o'clock today!! We (finally) got assigned to our grade nine students in my tutoring course!
...Now, no offence to all the little niner's self-esteems, but my tutee is, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the coolest tutee - possibly in the history of GCVI.

How do I know this? Well, here's three simple observations:
A.) He reads The Long Hard Road Out of Hell at his leisure.
B.) He enjoys bands such as The Clash. w00t!
C.) He has no security issues about owning a purple calculator. (Which is très cool.)

So yeah. My tutee is pretty much the King of Cool. I'm sure he'd have some sort of crown or something, if he didn't already have a cool hat.

Anyways. There's my excitement for you. Now I think I'll simmer down a bit and go get a loaf of bread, and then maybe colour in some pie graphs for World Issues. (See what I mean about boring?!? PIE GRAPHS!!! GAH!)

Ta Da.

Q:

What is the proper thing to do when one's teacher assigns a spare period in which to research one's ISU topic?

A: EAT CAKE!! ...And blog! YES! CAKE!!!!!!! It is delicious!

Ta da!

currently balling my eyes out.

Mood: SAD!
Music: sappy Gladiator music stuck in my head

What is it about Russell Crowe dieing for the Roman Empire that makes me cry incessantly?? GAH! Every time!!

So tonight I had some crazy idea that I was supposed to babysit, but I wasn't, so I went over and totally crashed the party and lounged on their leather sofa and ate popcorn and drank juice that was served to me while I watched Gladiator with them. And then they thanked me and told me how nice it was that I dropped by -- sweet deal!!

Annnnd I'm spent!

[le title]

Mood: good
Music: REV 22:20 (I'm religious.)

Conclusions drawn from todays World Issues class:

- Robbie has nice man feet
- The people of Afghanistan are "like rabbits"
- The people of Afghanistan should make more pies
- Old Italian people should become suicide bombers in Afghanistan in order to stabilize each country's population
- I'm hungry

Also in this period of productivity, I became fluent in signing the phraise (or lyric) "I want to fuck you like an animal". Watch out... these hands are weapons, baby!

It is raining out. And I am soaking wet. And I am going to go and change my clothes now before I become waterlogged and gangrene sets in.

Ta Da.

Sideshow Tree

Mood: peachy
Music: Our Lady Peace - In Repair

As promised, I give you Sideshow Tree, the tree that vaguely resembles Simpson's character, Sideshow Bob!! (The two trunks outline his face, the foliage is his 'fro!) Innit GREAT!?!

Also. One of the Tutees is reading The Long Hard Road Out of Hell by Marilyn Manson -- what DAR!?! I know people my age who can't read that.

Over.

I <3 Bagels

Mood: amused in that somewhat embarassed sort of way. . .
Musique (it's French for Music): Our Lady Peace - Do You Like It

So, today I came across that book I've been meaning to return to my drama teacher for oh, the better part of five months. And I said to myself "Hey - I've been meaning to return this book to my drama teacher for the better part of five months! ...Crap!" Immediately I hopped in the AnnelieseMobile and furiously sped off to Tim Hortons! (Immediately = buttered up my mom to come with me by cleaning my room for a half hour, on account of I only have my G1.)
And I bought a $5 gift cirtificate (thats ALMOST a whole small coffee per month of me having the book) and I came home, and put it in the book and, I wrapped it all pretty-like in bubble-wrap and orange tissue paper, and lovely complementary purple ribbons! WEEEEE!

Who could harbour feelings of ill against the barer of such a splendid gift?? Pfft. Not I.

Also. Something kind of red happened to my hair.

(Not my natural colour.)

But anyways! About Timmy's. There was a Sexy Bagel Man there. Sexier even than the Emo Waiter at Williams! He had one of those sexy smirk-y grins! And pretty, sexy eyes that follow you around. *giggles* ...I should go back to Tim Hortons and get him to toast me up a hot and fresh bagel of love. Mmmm. Ah, Timmy's... gives new meaning to the term 'baked goods'.

A ha ha! I feel so girly right now.

Oh... if for some reason you feel like you're being stalked by a 23-year-old guy with size 11-ish feet, possibly weilding a light sabre and/or a mint chocolate chip ice cream cone, don't worry. He's harmless, just give him a bit of honey ham and he'll settle down. Fear not. I have it all under control.

Ta Da.

"Frosh"...rhymes with Josh!

Mood: good, albeit tired
Music: Gob - I hear you calling

Oh man!! Downtown is teeming with drunken students decorated in tinsel and post-its, all because of Frosh Week. Somebody get me out of here because I can't keep making the WTF face forever!!

Also: today I saw a tree that looks like Sideshow Bob! Pictures coming soon!

Ta Da!

Crazy People!!!

Mood: annoyed
Music: n/a

Holy crap! I just came across the most re-freaking-diculous web page in existance! Even though the first instinct is to laugh your ass off, if you take the time to read past the first couple of paragraphs it really is quite... something. Here's the link [turn speakers up for maximum humor]:

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20in%20America/Hellivision/sexual_crimes.htm

In this article by David J. Stewart you will find such wisdom as the following:

"... many women have been dragged into an alley or an abandoned area to be sexually assaulted by someone who watched a lewd singer like Britney Spears". The people dragging random strangers into alleys are sociopaths ie. people severely afflicted with specific personality disorders. Britney Spears, although deeply annoying, does not induce personality disorders.

"Some heathens would also argue that parents are responsible for what there children watch."
It's official - I'm a heathen. Well, DUH! Of course parents are responsible for what their(watch that spelling Dave, it's a tricky one) children watch! But while permitting a child to watch a Britney Spears video is one thing, allowing that child to shimmy around in a tube top and low-rise jeans with a neon pink thong peeking out is an entirely different issue. Choose your battles.

On the topic of Muslims (or as our devout Catholic, Dave, likes to say, "Moslems") and "the godless feminism in America that often turns women into lesbians" :

"Although I cannot praise them for being part of a FALSE RELIGION that is going to take them to hell, I certainly can praise them for keeping their bodies covered." Oh Dave, you sexist judgemental idiot. Women, like men, have a right to dress however they are most comfortable, and shouldn't have to cover up every inch of skin just because some men, perhaps like yourself, have an urge to fuck everything that walks. Get over it. And try whacking off every once in a while, it may relieve some of that built-up tension.

And then, my personal favourite:

"In a society that is increasingly accepting homosexuals as welcome neighbors, a sleazy whore like Britney Spears is also accepted." There's no question that Britney Spears is a sleaze, she hooked up with a married man who had one kid and another on the way. But that's not the issue for me. I'm so sick of homophobia. All a person really needs in life on an emotional level is unconditional love, and to say that one person can't find that in another person of the same gender is to say that God's love, the supposed greatest love of all, really isn't all-encompassing and isn't eternal. And therefore God isn't flawless. And therefore God is no better than me or you or Jack the Ripper. And I disagree!

Blah! This was all based on literal interpertation of The King James Bible. So, basically what we have here is an entire legion of people who're brainwashed by a book published in 1611 (an era when it was fashionable and considered highly attractive to wear lead on your face) which is but one (ONE!!!) translation of ancient scripture into English, one of the most complex languages in the world.

Gah!!! Shallow minds...

Over.

my destiny

Mood: I feel sedated
Music: Sarah Mclachlan - Building a Mystery

I am having an epiphany!! Unfortunately at this moment in time I'm too swept away with nirvana to compose a proper post, so I've decided it's MSN fun time with Mikey!! (You'll get the gist of it.)

oXo candy heart oXo says:
Ive decided on a new career.
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." says:
whats that?
oXo candy heart oXo says:
a judge.
oXo candy heart oXo says:
... on THE IRON CHEF!
oXo candy heart oXo says:
lol
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." says:
lol perfect, but i hear the job market for that is a little tight
oXo candy heart oXo says:
how could anyone say no to me??!
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." says:
Dont u have to have knowledge of cooking?
oXo candy heart oXo says:
they dont COOK!
oXo candy heart oXo says:
they EAT!
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." says:
oic lol
oXo candy heart oXo says:
trust me, im an expert.

Ta Da!

You Don't Say!

...If the Random Surrealism Generator were a person, I think it would be my best friend. Also, I believe it might be the type with benefits.

Ta Da.

Damn teenagers.

Mood: good
Music: air - playground love

So Phonebill Amy materialized out of nowhere today. (Materialized out of nowhere = caught the Go Bus from Toronto to visit my dorky brother.)

Phonebill Amy first entered the picture about two years ago. Jake and her would spend hours on the phone with eachother, not so much talking as listening to eachother breath. Which was kinda weird. And also, kinda expensive. One particular breathing session ran up $55.00 according to our monthly Bell Canada statement, and needless to say, The Mother was none to happy. Another incident like that and a few bitter tears later, all phonecalls were strictly prohibited. Phonebill Amy, it seemed, was flying below the radar.

Untill now. Untill now when I am sitting across from her at the dinner table watching her eat a sausage which I have lovingly preparied for dinner. Untill now when I am listening to her talk about how 50 Cent was in a movie shot on her street. Untill now, that I am finally assured that she is not merely a fragment of my brother's imagination -- who'da thunk it??

Anyways. If my Pretend Internet Boyfriend ever comes to vist I am enforcing a rehersal dinner, because this whole thing was just. A bit. Weird.

Also. I would much like to engage in a bit of sloth-like relaxation on my couch - but NoOoOo! They're in there! GAH! This house is too small for him to have a girlfriend!!

Over.

Ah, the old Shooty-Shooty Bang-Bang method!

If you've ever considered a career in rap or hip hop and are unsure of where to get started, consider the wisdom of my 15-year-old brother:

"I could walk outside today, get shot, and have a rap bill tomorrow."

And how.