Oh, Canada...

Mood: bored.
Music: Smashing Pumpkins - Today
CAKE! in: 11 days

So yesterday I entered a fitness center for the first time since, ohh, sometime in October. And now today, everything is painful! (Fancy that.) Hello, muscular system!

Also! My review of chocolate-covered jube jubes: Ohhhhhhhhhh baby! Excuse me while I die and go to heaven.
So. Effing. Good.

Anyways. This week has been good and bad. It has been good because I am now finished all projects and Mrs. Cadman, my tutoring teacher, said I am going to make an excellent teacher someday and that I already am one. Score! This week was made even better by chocolate covered jube jubes.
But this week was bad because my country is now in danger of sucking as much as America as we are now under the leadership of a man who's beady little eyes glimmer with malign, who is under the impression that "middle income" families are raking in $90,000 a year, who wants to deny homosexuals the right to marry, who sends his kids off to school with a hearty handshake, who wants to bring more unwanted children into the world by denying a woman's right to choose, and who is probably on his way to a ranch in Texas to chillax and play some golf with his good buddy and intellectual peer George Dubya Bush.

I'm sure Stephen Harper's not all bad. After all, the Conservatives are offering me, as a young Canadian woman, "access to skills training and post-secondary education"(Rona Ambrose of the Conservative Party, January 20, 2006). Which is grand, really, seeing as that was made possible by a group of women who lobbied their asses off in the early 20th century. ...Under a (surprise!) Liberal government.

But thanks anyways, Conservatives.

Why I love MSN Today

Mood: excellent!
Music: The Arcade Fire - Crown of Love
Card me in: 13!!

I have new respect for a dumb blonde, all thanks to MSN Today!

Ah, MSN... always looking on the bright side! Kudos!

Ta Da!

Brent goes to the movies

Mood: bored
Music: The Beatles

Last night when Mikey, Robbie Baby and I went to see Brokeback Mountain (good show!) we noticed that, who else was there but one Brent Barr, our friendly neighbourhood Conservative candidate. He must have been there to see all the brave American soldiers kill King Kong and save New York. Or maybe he was there to see a nice family film starring Steve Martin and twelve aryan children. (He wasn't in our theatre, that's for sure.)
Anyways, you couldn't miss him... Really. The back of his navy-blue jacket was emblazoned with a large "vote Conservative / Brent Barr" sign.

Good lord. This man deserves to be stoned.



(...Go Green Party!)

Another quest to find myself...

Hey. I DO have a nice ass!

Ta da.

Hands off the salsa!

Mood: annoyed
Music: hot hot heat - bandages
19 in: 19!

So, this is where I'm going to bitch about my mother and her sense of entitlement regarding my salsa. This is not to be taken lightly. This is what happened.

Anneliese: [leans against doorframe casually clutching incriminating evidence] You ate my salsa.
The Mother: [looks up, pauses] There's more salsa in the cupboard.
A: The spicy Tostitos kind?
TM: [in a sly attempt to avoid the whole question] I bought more medium salsa.
A: But I paid for this kind. [indicates empty jar of Tostitos Medium Salsa in right hand]
TM: So?
A: So if you eat my salsa that I bought with my money, and then replace it with a lesser quality runny Master Choice salsa, then I'm not going to be exactly thrilled.
TM: We all ate your salsa, I put it in your dinner tonight.
A: Yes. And I know it's not the best salsa in the world, but if you use something that I paid for, I expect to be reimbursed.

And so it kind of went on like that for a while. And I talked about how a jar of salsa neither consumes nor replenishes it's self.
And she talked about how if she can't eat my food then I can't eat hers.
And then I talked about how I can eat her food on account she is the primary care giver of this household making it an obligation of mine to eat her food.

And...yeah. So I had to eat gross runny cheap salsa. And by "salsa" I mean "glorified tomato paste". And it was warm. Eww. And as a connoisseur of fine salsas I must say I was utterly appalled.

Also: I am going to be a bridesmaid!! Woo hoo!

And: Go Green Party!

Ta Da

In my Place

Mood: tired
Music: the theme to Star Wars which somehow ended up on my iPod
Days 'till 19th Annual International Anneliese Day: 20

Just now I was googleing myself... and I found my true identity.

And this is it:

"Anneliese"

Ta Da.

The Noose

Mood: traumatized
Music: Sheryl Crow- Safe and Sound

Ah! I hate seminars. I hate them the most out of all things. Mainly, because being made fun of relentlessly from grades three through nine has the effect that I am absolutely terrified to stand up and talk infront of a room full of mainly first-name basis peer people.

And so there I am with that good old, handy, fight-or-flight alarm bell going off in my brain yelling "RUN! RUN AWAY!" and my throat all dry and shakey and sctratchy that results in me sounding like a little boy going through puberty. Which is just lovely.

So... yeah. Given the choice, I would take bathing in kerosene and leaping through a ring of fire before doing a seminar.

Did I mention I hate seminars?

Hate. Hate. Hate.

Ta Da

Sunday School

He he he!

SAVED!

Mood: dieing of organizational-crisis-induced stress
Music: The Beatles - The Fool on the Hill
WINE AND BEER! in: 27

Oh man. Just a few moments ago I thought I was done. I thought I was toast. I thought I was uckfé'd. (That's pig latin for fucked.) My head was spinning! I was overcome with that feeling of you-screwed-up-and-now-you're-gunna-PAY nausea.

But now I breathe easier. The weight has been lifted. I have been pardoned from death row. For I have located my (atrociously out-dated) mark sheet. (For Tutoring.)

You see, after failing to locate said mark sheet in my binder this morning (after I learned that I have an assessment tomorrow), I came home and literally sorted through every single stack of paper in the HOUSE. And that. People. Is

alot

of

freaking

paper.


Anyways. As I sat on the floor of my computer room, with the contents of my backpack all strewn about, on the verge of a massive anxiety attack, I thought I would look through my binder one. More. Time. Just to be absolutely certian. I began in the front and gingerly flipped each page one at a time. I flipped through Tutoring. I then flipped through World Issues. Next, I flipped through Yearbook.

Nothing.

Checked the front pouch.

Nothing.

Checked the back pouch.

(Both of these pouches I checked three times this morning...)


...'Lo and behold...

Now, in order to think straight after this terrifying ordeal I think I need to get something in my stomach... preferably something in pill-form...

Ta Da.

I gotta gotta be down because I want it all

Mood: formerly cheerful, however in light of recent events now ever-so-slightly depressed
Music: The Killers - Mr. Brightside
Number of Days Remaining Untill I am 6575 Days of Age: 29

Math and Anneliese are not friends. Generally, we are civil and manage to co-exist quite functionally. I do realize that Math is essential to many useful and comfortable things in this society, (many of which I take for granted) and I respect that. However, Math does not hold a special place in my heart. In fact, often times I find Math boring, and usually redundant. Nevertheless, Math and I have come together. Again. Tonight.

And then Math laughed in my face and danced on the grave of my young, awakening, romantic self that was slaughtered and torn into millions of itty bitty pieces almost two years ago. And then, Math informed me that, New Year's aside, I have not kissed anyone in six hundred and eight days.

And I gasped.

And then Math said: "No, wait. 2004 was a leap year -- make that six hundred and nine."

And then I stared blankly at math for a moment. Finally, I said: "Screw you Math, I'm going home."

---

Hmm. I wonder... how many more days of this untill I'm officially a mormon?


(...Ta Da.)

"icecream party"

Mood: sleepy
Music: The Beatles - I Want to Hold Your Hand
Days left until you may have the pleasure of buying me a drink: 30

I was having a conversaton via MSN with one of my University friends just now, and our conversation, (seeing as I have cut and pasted it exactly,) went a little something like this:

oXo Annie oXo ...closer... says:
hey
megs says:
hey
megs says:
g2g
megs says:
icecream party

...Which made me question;

Why, why, WHY am I not in University!?!?!?!?

The End.

Generation Next

Mood: standard pretty good mood
Music: Elton John - goodbye yellow brick road
months remaining untill I am one with the liquor store: !!!ONE!!!

Some children are very spoiled. On Wednesday I thought my little cousins were bad, as I spied their Christmas stockings obscuring a large wooden cabinet probably used to house a ten thousand dollar entertainment system. I could literally fit both of my legs into one of them and have myself a potato sack race (...only with Christmas stockings and not potato sacks).
Anyhow, these kids are practically gypsies compaired to what sauntered into the hair salon on Thursday. The little boy, who couldn't have been any older than six contently stared at me as I organized the shelves while Green Day spewd out of the brand-spankin'-new PSP which he held in his miniature clutches. ...What kind of six-year-old needs a PSP!? When I was his age I asked for a Creepy Crawlers set!
But his sister, oh, his sister... she couldn't have been more than ten or eleven and she was toting around a shiny new iPod in a sleek and stylish new iPod arm band. (When I was her age I was still playing with Creepy Crawlers!!) Oh, and I almost forgot to mention; she and her mother were just on their way to go and pick out a quarter horse.

Geez.

Well. If there's one thing I got over them, it's definately street cred. Just check out this sweet little number I picked up the other day:



It's part jersey material, part black lace-trimmed slip so it looks like I'm actually wearing lingerie, just like a real video hoe! And, if you turn your attention to the still-attatched tag underneith the one that says $6.99, you'll notice that the brand name is none other than "Bling Bling".


Damn. If that's not ghettofabulous, I don't know what is.

Ta Da!

Weirdness.

Mood: grand
Music: Billy Idol - White Wedding
Days untill I am a legal drunk: 32

So yesterday I saw King Kong (the Peter Jackson edition) and I must say, I was quite impressed! In fact, this time I walked out of the theatre with tears of emotion inflicted by the delightful film still glimmering in my eyes instead of that sick feeling that comes along with the realization that I was just robbed of ten dollars. However I was saddened by the fact that some of the people seemed a little surprised by the ending. You know... The part where Kong dies. I mean, even if you didn't already know the plot of an all-time classic movie that's been around since 1933 you could have figured it out. It's a great big black thing causing trouble in Midtown Manhattan, of course they're going to shoot it. Come on people. This is America.

So. Kong rules. (Beats the crap out of Memoirs of a Geisha. But hey, if you'd rather see a vibrant, evocatve novel stripped down and reduced to little more than your common chick-flick of ill repute... well then, I guess that's just your cup of tea.) GO KONG!!!

Anywhoo. I've certianly had an interesting past couple of days. On Wednesday I experienced first hand how rich people eat as I visited my uncle for dinner (the one with the heated pool and mini golf in his backyard). I had a salmon fillet. ...With lobster on the side. (I am not kidding.) And pommegranite juice to drink (as I am still shy of the drinking age I thought it wouldnt have been 'proper' if I had helped myself to a selection of chardonnay or merlot).
Then I returned to my beloved niche as Cat and Kristi sucked all the batteries out of my camera playing model and I got the lo-down on how to seduce a thirty-two-year-old.

And on Thursday after Kong, Megs and Sharlin and I got together with Mikey, The Russian, V-Dawg and Arnold and went to the Salvation Army, only to find THIS prancing about:

Amidst all the confusion we momentarily lost V-dawg, but thankfully we all made it to safety (I timed my escape so that I had time to purchase two dresses of which you will learn more about in further posts).
Eventually we all went bowling, then to Megs' house (sans Mikey, who had a big day ahead and needed his beauty sleep) for a mean round of signal- BEST GAME EVER!!!!!!!!!

(Signal is a card game - there should be six or eight people playing, but it works with four - and the goal is for one partner to collect four of the same card - like aces or kings or something - and win the game by signaling to the other partner - the signal can be anything except the words 'block' or 'signal' - that they have a set and then the signalee says 'signal' and their team wins. Everyone starts with four cards, and then one card per person is put down face-up in the center of the circle and the dealer says 'GO' and then cards go flying everywhere as people exchange them in persuit of a set. And then the cards are swept and six new ones are laid out, etc etc. If you think someone is trying to signal to their partner, you can say "block" and if you're right then you get the victory. But if not you just get to look like a fool.)

So last night Myself and The Russian were pretty much undefeated champs (it was all because of me, of course) and one team kept speaking in Hungarian which was annoying as hell.

[A note from the pros (me): Singing Moon River as your signal generally only works once.]

And today I went shopping and bought a birthday present (assuming I part with it, that is) for my Pretend Internet Boyfriend who has the same birthday as the guys who play Fred and George in the Harry Potter movies. And then he called me from the booze aisle, it was great.

And I'm spent!

2005 is SO last year!

mood: excellent

We are now engaged in the 70th hour of 2006. So far it's been pretty good... At least on par with 2005. Way, way, waaaaay better than 2004. I'm sure some people would agree with me. Others, probably not. Alas, it seems, I am rambling.

In the spirit of optimism, I give you:

A Random List of Things That Kicked Ass About 2005,

In No Particular Order

1. Airplanes. Airplanes rule. They make you go places... Places such as Italy, and France, and even The Fatherland for about 55 minutes.
2. German stuards. Sure they have girl stewards (or stewardesses, if you will) but the man ones are the most hardcore. One of them lifted my spirits on that boring eight-hour flight by giving me alcohol - on the condition that I refrained from singing dirty songs. Good man! Cheers!
3. One word: Gelato.
4. Italian leather purse makers that sell you gorgeous red Italian leather purses for a thirty-five euro discount because you're Canadian and very cute. Yay!
5. The town of St. Paul de Vence and it's making me realize that - oh my goodness! - nine years of French class weren't all in vain! (I translated a menu for my companions, ordered a ham sandwich and a gingerale, found the correct change, and asked for directions without missing a beat! Damn I'm good.)
6. Walking on the beach in Nice. And telling everyone that "I have good toilets". Haha.
7. Paris, France. I love you. But so does everyone... you floozy. (But I still love you.)
8. Waiting. Hey, what can I say? It kicked. And so did going to Bradford, Ontario for the Sears Regionals. Who knew?! They have a Wendy's and everything! ...Happy carrot festival, guys!
9. Mikey, you may not be drama president but you certainly are the King. w00t! Long live you.
10. Cool drama girls! Oh my God! They exist! They are wonderful!
11. International Anneliese Day went pretty good... But this year's will be better ;-)
12. Peer pressure. It lead me to my Pretend Internet Boyfriend. He is sweet and cool.
13. Totally goin' white wedding style for Formal! You know you liked it.
14. How two weeks of sleep deprivation = an 85 in 4U English. Loves it!
15. Canoeing. Always a pleasure!
16. No more Whoremonger! It's like he's died and gone to... ;-)
17. That phase I went throught where I did like 18 quizzes a day to find out how cool I am and posted them all on my blog. Yeah. I'm cool!
18. Hillside. It's like three days of amazing sex. Mostly safe sex, but with the odd hillbilly.
19. Chillaxin' with Suzanna and Mark at the Bruce Peninsula National Park. Good times.
20. I have a cool tutee which automatically makes me that much cooler.
21. My Halloween Dance. It was fun. And it was mine. And it rocked. Because I am so good. Oh yeah. Uh huh.
22. Russian friends who made work less boring ;-)
23. The fact that I'm not fat yet kicks total ass.

Other things rocked too, but not enough for me to remember them right now. One thing that didn't rock so much was dental surgery. This was a mean year for dental surgery... first my wisdom teeth were forcably removed from my body, and then, as if the dentist didn't steal enough money from our insurance already, oh! I had a root canal! A ha ha!

Peace out brothas.

Ta Da!