Love Sucks, vol. 3

wearing: babysitting clothes. nothing special.
eating: pie.
listening to: 'Scar Tissue' by the chili peppers

I'm quitting my job. I can't stand Marty, he's a prick. As I told Megs:
Since I took a lot of time off with canoeing and rugby and my dads house, he's not put me on the schedule for 4 weeks, and neglected to give me any explanation, or fire me, or do anything professional about it, and I quite frankly do not desire to work for someone that treats me like that.

I would've let him have it tonight except I don't have his number.

Just incase anyone hasn't figured it out, The Maestro and I are now 'just friends'. I don't like to say 'broke up' because it sounds too messy... like something bad happened. And really, it hasn't. He was more comfortable as friends, and when it comes down to it, I would rather be friends and be close, than be involved with eachother and have him be melancholy. He's just... like that. I would like to blame him, to put all my frustration on his awkwardness, but that's just... the way he is. Granted, if my emotions were a person, they would be a person that has just been hit by a bus two consecutive times and then trampled on by about a dozen marching bands and scraped off the street by some drunk hired for five dollars an hour to pick up the horse poop after the parade. But I can't hate him. It isn't in me.
He finally e-mailed me last night seconds before I went to bed, with bad news, which lead to me keeping the whole house up with my crying until one o'clock in the morning... and today I came up to The Maestro before class, told him he's talking to me at lunch, and walked away. Mikey said I 'did a Marin', which made me giggle. Oh, it made me giggle. But back to the story... talking was good. Talking did so much good for me... that's the first time we've verbally communicated about something since he started getting distant. Unfortunately, I'm still a mess.

xoxo

Love Sucks, vol. 2

wearing: roots sweater, beige pants
eating: nothing
listening to: "The Nobodies" by Marilyn Manson

Today wasn't too bad. But that does not, however, by any stretch of the imagination, imply that it was too good. I'm just saying it wasn't too bad. Today I'm a little more dark and a little more cynical, my bouts of crying are not nearly as frequent as they were yesterday, and I found an uncanny satisfaction in slicing up pieces of carcass. ...Yes, I was making spare ribs.
I spent the majority of my day in bed. I'm not sick, but as I have previously mentioned, I do not handle food very well when I'm upset. Hence, the lack of eating has contributed to a tired and cranky me. Yesterday I ate half a bowl of honey shreddies, two small pieces of ice cream cake, two crispers, an M&M and some cashews.

I think I need a hug from a certain someone really bad. :-(

Lastnight I had a good dream, which made me feel all the more defeated when I woke up today. I cannot quite recollect the details, except for that 'He' was in it. And I don't mean God - not even close, so don't go and get all confused. I have yet to hear from 'Him'... which bothers me. How could he ignore me now? How could he...?

I have to go now.

...Would I love you any less if you hurt me any more?...

Love Sucks, vol. 1

wearing: blue kitty jammies
eating: nothing
listening to: nothing

I'm going through some stuff that's pretty hard to take right now. A voice in my head tells me everything is going to work out, and everyone is going to be happy... but that voice seems so distant and dreary thanks to a pain like a thousand dull, unrelenting knives tearing at my heart, which continues to beat, so the pain just keeps on coming.
Right now if I had to chose, I'd say I'm optimistic that things will work out good, but I still have my fears. I cry because of my fears... I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life. For two hours this morning I was sobbing away, so that for the rest of the day my eyes were all puffy-like, like two little pillows of sadness. (I looked incredibly stoned.)

I hope I can sleep tonight, and eat tomorrow, because since lastnight neither of those things worked out too well...

*sigh*

<>

Technology Doesn't Like Me

wearing: pinstripe jeans, 'love' shirt, CELP sweater
eating: nuttin'
listening to: The Tea Party's cover of "Painted Black"

OMG Mikey came up with the best idea for me. It's about The Maestro, and I was hoping that by the chanciest of chances he might be online right now so I could tell him - but he isn't - so I'll just settle for the next best thing, and tell everybody!! :-D
Okay... so, I've been bummed out that we don't spend enough time together. We both enjoy spending time with eachother, but now that he's gotten involved in stage crew he's really busy, and I don't even get to see him at lunch anymore. I'm so proud of him for working so hard and helping the school out, on top of finding time to do all his regular school work, which adds up. But, alas, never seeing eachother doesn't work for me.

SO!

Mikey thinks I should join stage crew next year! That way we could have more time together, and I could ease the workload a little for him. I didn't take to the idea at first - After all, I have a job, and I'm not taking any spares next year which means my workload is gunna be heavy as it is. Also, I've never done technical stuff before. But then as I thought on it, I saw some of the pro's, and then I began to realize that they outweigh the con's. I would get to see him more, meaning my school days wouldn't be as dismal as they are now. It would be easier for The Maestro because when on the occasion that everyone else backs out on him, he at least would have one person left to help out. I could pick up on any community hours that I lack to graduate, and tech would be a new experience for me, hell, I might even like it. Also, I might get to see Mikey and the other drama kids more often. Supposedly The Maestro's going to be head hauncho of stage crew by default next year, so if he likes the idea then I'm going to do it.

ONWARD!

Sometimes I think Fabio deliberately goes out of his way just to piss me off. Actually I know he does, I'm just not sure if today was one of those times. In any case, he pissed me off. Today he sat in The Maestro's chair in media class, and for the whole time he had his back turned to me, totally cutting me off and taking away whatever minimal time I had to spend with The Maestro. Since that gesture, intentional or not, rubbed me the wrong way, I wouldn't give him ten cents for the photocopier so he could finish an important project. That might have been the start of hard feelings, but I don't care. He knows damnwell that I don't like when he does that.

CiAo!

Hey, look! I have no life!

wearing: blue kitty jammies, socks that The Mother made for me :-)
eating: I'm having water because it's pure. Like me.
listening to: "only happy when it rains" by Garbage

Right now Megs and I are reminiscing about all the good times had and the laughter shared on the canoe trip! :-D

Anyways... today was a proud day for me. I got my Wag the Dog essay done for english media, and it only took an hour of thinking about it to get me started! Also, I shaved my legs today without getting bored and cutting myself like I usually do. (Unintentionally, I mean. Im not dumb like a drama queen.)

Hey, look -- it RHYMED! This means. . . I could be a rapper!!!! Fo' shizzle! :-)


NiTe NiTe

I Want To Be The Girl That Puts The Oil On Brad Pitt.

wearing: pink joe boxer jammies, slippers, towel on my head (also pink).
eating: drinking strawberry kiwi frutopia. oh, sorry, raspberry kiwi karma, actually. They think they're so cool coming up with all those fruity names... heyyy! The names are fruity like the beverages!! ...I get it now...
whoa. Talk about nirvana.
listening to: some screamo/punk rock shenanigans coming from the TV.

(I looked 'shenanigans' up on thesaurus.com and here's what I found - some synonyms for the word 'shenanigans' include; hanky-panky, funny business, monkey business, and skulduggery.)

I watched 'Wag the Dog' for the second time tonight. The first time I watched it was in Media class, because I was expected to do an assignment on it, but instead I fell asleep. When I awoke, I was still expected to do an assignment on it, so, here I am! ...It was actually a lot more interesting from the Durham perspective.

(I just found out a synonym for 'skulduggery' is 'jiggery-pokery' - innit great!?! :-D I kid you not.)

Today The Father, Jake the Snake and I went to Owen Sound to see 'Troy'. It wasn't bad, though a couple scenes really bothered me because Helen of Troy's make-up was uneven. One eye was perfect, but somebody forgot to do eyeliner under her right eye, and that just totally ruined the effect for me. You know what? It ruined the whole movie for me!! In six months when I hear 'Troy' being mentioned, ten bucks says all I'll remember is the girl with the funny make-up. Even though you practically saw both Orlando Bloom and Brad Pitt's peckers, (not in the same scene, unfortunately) I'll remember that little touch of eyeliner that someone forgot.
The thing that didn't satisfy me about the movie was you never found out what the hell happened to Helen, Paris, Hectar's Wife or any of the important people! Last you saw of them they were running through an underground tunnel. Hell, for all it's worth they could have run into the Ninja Turtles. ...It just doesn't. make. sense.

I nearly lost my most precious possession last night! My Celtic cross. The tiny piece of metal that holds the pendant to the chain has been lose for a while now, and there wasn't much I could really do about it so I just left it. Last night when I stood up to make that familiar journey to the refrigorator, I felt something slip down my back, and it was the pendant. Oh no!! Now I can't wear it until I find somebody to fix it... :-( Lucky I left it at home during the canoe trip though.

*yawns*

Time for nite-nite!

xoxo





[ jig·ger·y-pok·er·y ( P ) Pronunciation Key (jg-r-pk-r)
n.
Underhand scheming or behavior: “By some legalor perhaps illegal jiggery-pokery, he could declare the election void” (John Hughes). ]

We Were Squashed By a Bunch of Grapes!

wearing: pink joe boxer jammies, black slippers
eating: im in durham
listening to: im in durham

Alright, first things first. An update of reality. The Storm became the OHL champions after defeating Missasauga - no challenge. But then they went to Kelona for the memorial cup and got their asses wooped like a bunch of babies.
...but now for the real heartbreaker!! The GCVI girl's rugby team made it to the quarter-finals only to be defeated by the purple-pinnie-sporting-Spartans. Darn. This means I can no longer unleash my aggression on total strangers through full-on tackles and an occasional cleat in the thigh. Well... technically I could, but the likelihood that I'd get charged for it would be... slightly higher.

I love how every time I get out of a car that my dad - or any male relative of mine for that matter - has been driving, it's like I've been granted a new lease on life. Yesterday just as we were on the outskirts of Guelph, he was doing 110 in a 70 zone. Slightly perturbed, I asked "Dad, do you really have to drive this fast?"
"Just keeping up with traffic." He replied, as we passed five cars.
. . .
Then as we were leaving Mount Forest, the OPP were doing their annual screwovertheunderagedrinkers blitz, and I saw two guys about my age getting arrested. And then I wondered if Mennonites could get arrested for drunk driving. The Maestro has informed me that they can neither drink, nor drive, but still, I wonder. ...What if their horse was intoxicated?
...Bet you didn't see THAT one coming!!!

'tis time to mosie.

xoxo

Foreshadowing from HELL

wearing: pink joe boxer jammies
eating: nothing (for the first time today!!)
listening to: "Across the Universe" by the Beatles

Oooooh man.

Mikey played a dirty trick on me tonight. :-P!!!! On MSN, he was like "[The Maestro] just wants to be friends. I'm sorry."

For a minute, I didn't know what to do. To put it plainly, I was stupified. Part of me was just like "Heh, don't be silly Mikey." but another part of me was like (all at once) "Oh my GOD! Is this it? No! It can't be it! I won't LET it be IT! Oh my GOD! This could be IT!!! Noooo! Where did we go wrong? Ah! Heart is breaking! The world is standing still! Oh. My. GODDDD!!!"

So I was like "really? :-("

"lol j/k Just wanted to stir shit up, I'm bored."

.
.
.

...You know, untill now, I don't think I've ever been delighted to find out someone's playing a dirty trick on me. lol!!!

No hard feelings Mikey. Hehe. But if you do it again there will be hard feelings, such as the hard feeling of my fist in your face. ;-) lol! j/k.

Cheerio!

The Epic Adventure!

wearing: pinstripe jeans, pink tommy shirt, blue fleece sweater
eating: winterfresh gum
listening to: The Tea Party's cover of 'The Messenger'

Well, I worked lastnight without any major problems, save for the fact that my new boss is psychotic... but there's nothing that can be done about that, is there?

In some ways, I'm glad to be back at school. I missed my friends who weren't out there with me... I asked The Maestro to write me a letter. He did, and it's the most impersonal letter I have ever received, aside from the ones I get from the Liberals. It was like reading a daily log... I mean, that's great, but I don't care so much what you did in your day as how your day was. ...Silly boy!
Today I gave blood! (Three cheers for free food!!!) The Maestro escorted me there, but left due to some engagement with technology and a school event. No worries though, because soon The Sneek & Company arrived, and I didn't have to go it alone. :-)

But let's backtrack a little...

My canoe trip was amazing!! Sure, I got dehydrated, bit by a snake, and rained on two nights in a row, but that didn't stop The Walruses from having a jolly good time! I went swimming twice, once on the first evening and then again on the second - and let me tell you, that water was so damn cold that if I stayed in any longer, Betty and Veronica would've jumped ship and swam back to shore on their own. There were a lot of bugs on the first night. And the second. On the second night, my group, The Walruses, camped with The Funky Chickens. On this day I was slacking off on my water-drinkage, because quite frankly, it tasted d i s g u s t i n g. And it was always warm, so even with five pounds of juice crystals it was still unpleasant. There was a beautiful sunset that night, and we got to see the stars for the last time on our trip. Day three was probably my greatest personal moment - the 250 meter portage with the silver canoe. I have never managed to get one of those bigass-motherf***ers more than 50 meters - but oh, baby! I put every ounce of will I had into getting that thing to the other side... the pain was incredible. First off, let's state the obvious - I don't have alot of extra padding, if you know what I mean. So just having that canoe on my neck and shoulders was extremely uncomfortable. Next, I couldn't keep it balanced. The paddles were placed so that someone bigger than me could portage the canoe, so they kept slipping down my shoulders onto my arms, which altered my balance and made my posture absolutely horrible. The rest was just endurance. Christiner and The Sasquench encouraged me the whole way, which helped me more than they could know. By the time I hit 175 meters I was crying out of sheer pain, and I could only think about things that kept me going - chicken wings, The Maestro, how good it would feel to get that f***ing canoe off my head...
And I made it!! :-) I was so damn proud of myself, it almost seemed too good to be true. I was feeling the adrenaline too, I was shaking and hyperventalating, and it was really weird. So... that was my shining moment.
By the time we reached Wreck Island for lunch that day, it was sweltering hot and I was already a little dehydrated. After I ate, I decided a little walk was in order! - Bad idea. I got caught in between the fast walkers and the slow walkers, and before I knew it, I was completely alone. At one point I remember somehow I came up behind the slow walkers - ie. Ben, Cody and Arnold. They were climbing rocks along a cove, and Ben said to me: "Will you carry Arnold's shoes?"
And I was like "Why?"
"So Arnold dosn't have to."

...I just looked at him like 'I don't THINK so.' And continued on my merry way. I staggered along the shoreline for at least another half-hour. I kept thinking that my class would be just around the next bend, but they were never there, and soon it became really distressing. At one point, all I wanted to do was lay down on a rock and let the canoes come find me, but because of my pride I kept going. It wasn't long after that point, thank goodness, that I got back to the camp. Mr. Lewis could tell I was dehydrated from 100 meters away, just by how I was carrying myself. Oops. ...I guess lake water isn't that bad after all!
When we reached our camp after another strenuous two hours of paddling, all I did was crash in the tent for an hour, roll around, and drink juice. This camp was our home for two nights, and my tent had a nice private, secluded spot on a bed of moss behind the others. The woods further back provided exceptional peeing areas, and overall, the accommodations were very nice. :-) When it rained, Sunny and I dashed into Andrew's tent for shelter. We played a crazy game with a die, where everyone has a scrap piece of paper, and when someone rolls a six, they pick up the pen in the middle and start feverishly writing numbers from 1 to 100. The next person to roll a six would then grab the pen and start their own numbers, and this would go on until someone reached 100. It may sound a little 'blah', but it was maaaad crazy! Sunny went all psychobitch on our asses! LOL! It was so much fun... oh, and this creepy guy kept asking sexual questions... damn I'm glad I didn't share a tent with him!! After the rain that night the girls went back to Sunny's tent on the moss. I love how at random points everyone just broke into song! I sang 'don't wanna miss a thing' and 'big spender' to Megs as she went to the bathroom. LOL! Good times... Christiner thinks I have 'a good voice'... which I find funny, but it was a complement none the less.
On day four Christiner was sick, and we did our solos. Mr. Staunton left me on an island, where I was to take care of myself and write about being alone for two hours. Actually, Sunny was in plain eyesight, but nobody has to know that...
here's some of what I wrote (in response to the question 'you are all alone in the wilderness. How do you feel? Are you okay with this?) :

I don't like that word - "alone". In our culture, 'alone' too often refers to emptiness, sadness, isolation, loneliness... But being alone, like I am right now, can also be an empowering thing. Here I can think, and genuinely feel, without outside influence. I can get to know the person I really am, without my style, my music, my favorite TV shows, and even my friends. It is when I accept this person that I can truly relax and find peace.

Oh, intellectual me.

That night I got so hyper. It must have been the heat, I tell you! But Andrew, Sunny and I took it upon ourselves to start mooning nature, and then all of a sudden 'nature' turned into 'a camera', and Sunny leaned towards modesty... and oh my goodness... there's a kodak moment if there ever was one...

And on that note, I'll have to be going!

Cheerio!

Hurray for the 'F' Word!

wearing: jeans, ducky sweater, new york hoodie, white shirt
eating: apple cider
listening to: nothing

Oh for fucks sake. I just missed the bus again. A whole lot of fucking fun that was!

As you may or may not have noticed, I'm not in a good mood right now. This mood of mine has nothing to do with my canoe trip - that was absolutely amazing! I had a great time! Hell, I wish I could still be out there! I guess my mood started when my mother came to pick me up at GCVI. The first words out of her mouth, the FIRST words were not "How was your trip?" or anything along those lines. They were "You're in trouble at work." Thank you, mother, for giving me stress to finish off what was a peaceful trip.
Apparently some guy's wife came in and complained that I sold her husband a $2 paper for $1 and that I had attitude. Alright. It is entirely possible that I could have charged him the wrong price. But, what the fuck would she know about my attitude? As I recall, she wasn't the one I sold the paper to. This attitude business... I think I have a pretty good attitude towards my customers. In over a year of working, I've had only ONE other complaint - count it: O-N-E! - because - da da da DA! - some lady's slip wouldn't go through the lottery machine! ...And I happen to get along perfectly well with that customer now. Why on earth would I want to give a customer attitude? I mean, with the exception of three or four regulars that I actually enjoy talking to, I quite frankly don't give a rat's ass about the rest of them. I don't have a beef with them. I don't care. I'm a polite person, now why the fuck would I want to give a complete stranger attitude? What could I have possibly done that was so bad that this guy went home in a fit, and instead of coming back himself, sent his wife to the store because he's so horribly shaken? ...I just don't know. Why couldn't he have come back himself and kept his retarded little story straight??
...Another thing that bugs me a lot -- I have a very strong suspicion that if I was a guy, and I went through the exact same scenario, there would have been no complaint at all.
And that's not the end of my work troubles. My bosses are mad because I'm taking so much time off. Hmm, let's see! I take three days off because I'm forced to go to my dad's house. I take more days off for rugby - oh look! One extra curricular! ...I took more days off for a one-time-only canoe trip, and then I took ONE day off on a Saturday night so I wouldn't get stiffed with two weekend shifts in a row and not have any time to spend with my friends. Then, I switched one of my days off with a co-worker - I took that day off after my canoe trip so I could get some work done on one of my two essays that is due immediately. However, since I only got one shift, I traded because I need the money to pay my mother and father for my trip to Europe. So, boss, listen up. I know this divorced-parent situation is an inconvenience for you, but you're going to have to suck it up. You can do it - hey, I did and I was only four years old! As for my extra curriculars, I only get to do highschool once in my life, and I'm sorry, but I don't plan to spend it standing behind a counter selling cigarettes and lottery tickets to random schmoes that meander in off the street. Sorry, but no can do! And as for my one day out of fourteen that I like to take off for myself - what can I say, all work and no play makes Anneliese a very angry youth. So, seeing as I'm not planning to work in a variety store for the rest of my live-long days, no - it is NOT my top priority. The pay is very good for a part-time job, but there's no way I'm selling my soul for $8 an hour.
That's it for work. There's another thing bothering me too, but I'm not writing because it's personal. :P

THE END

Woops, I left out Lemonade!

wearing: light jeans, 'the clash' shirt, leather cuff, checkered belt, jakes socks
eating: macmillan's chocolate chip cookies and milk :-) mmmmm!
listening to: 'could i be your girl' by jan arden

OOWW MY PANCREAS!

...Actually, I don't really know what a pancreas does. Granted, I should because I took biology and got an 85, but 'pancreas' just sounds funny. So I like! :-D
At rugby today, some girl brought me down, and during the tackle, I got elbowed hard in the back right below my left ribcage. And it hurts. But I got back up and brought down their star player about five yards from the goal line, so I'm pretty damn proud of myself! ...And my pancreas! :-)

Tomorrow morning I take my leave from civilization. CANOE TRIP! I shall now take this time and compile two lists for you. 1- what I will miss most and 2- what I won't miss at all!

Things will be rated using the 'tear system'. They will be given between 1 and 5 tears, depending on how much I miss them.

1. THE MAESTRO!!! :*(:*(:*(:*(:*(:*(:*(:*(:*(:*(
2. All my other worthy thanes!! :*(:*(:*(:*(:*(
3. my duvet!!! :*(:*(:*(:*(
4. my bathtub!!(warm water included) :*(:*(:*(
5. flush toilets! :*(:*(:*(
6. my microwave!!! :*(:*(:*(
7. COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!:*(:*(:*(
8. electricity :*(:*(
9. fashion! :*(:*(
10. internet... and blog! :*(

List No. 2 will be using the 'cheer system'. Much like the 'tear system' save for the fact that I won't miss these things at all!

1. Joel! :-D:-D:-D:-D:-D
2. Arguing with people! :-D:-D:-D:-D:-D
3. Mr. Davidson! :-D:-D:-D
4. in the spirit of Kill Bill- "Bleep!" :-D:-D:-D
5. annoying pop-up ads. :-D:-D:-D
6. homework!!!!!!!:-D:-D:-D
7. broccoli! :-D:-D
8. superannoyingcousins! :-D:-D
9. A drama queen who shall remain nameless! :-D:-D
10. pollution! :-D:-D

Love out.

xoxo

I like The Maestro.

wearing: blue cat jammies, housecoat
eating: nothing
listening to: 'travelin' soldier' by the dixie chicks

Centennial Cup today! There were so many teams there, I'm not sure of the exact number and I was too lazy to count... I'll just estimate between ten and fifteen. Anyways, we beat William Lyon Mackenzie, Ross, and Meadowville to get us to the finals, where we faced off against Holy Cross - We placed second overall, which is really good!!
...However. I shudder at the thought of coming off as perhaps 'unsporting', but I'd now like to take the time to acknowlege that this is a blog and not a rugby field, and as a Canadian citizen and avid blogger, I reserve the right to say whatever the f**k I want to say.

:-)

Good! Now that we're clear on that, Holy Cross was by far the worst team we've had to play against so far. I guess some people will do whatever they need to do to get that win, even if it means turning a blind eye towards such things as dignity, respect and any trace of sportsman like behavior. Now I can say this, because my team has earned a reputation of playing a hard, clean game. And I'll give the Holy Cross girls this much - they had ambition, even if it was extremely uncouth and animalistic. They made a habit of grunting like angry boars when they went into a scrum, as a means of 'intimidation'. They said stuff to my team on the field. They'd try and roll over us on tackles just to piss us off. (If you want to picture these girls, imagine a Jerry Springer audience with green shirts on.)
Bottom line is, they didn't deserve their win. We should have got it! ...Or Ross, or Centennial, or some other team who didn't play their game like a bunch of yahoos.
Anyways, I'm really proud of my team! We got so far, and without stooping to such depths as Holy Cross. It was fun!

---

Well, no injuries to report, other than I have a mad sunburn right now and I think I went through mild symptoms of heatstroke today. (Still dizzy! Wowzers!)

Tonight I went over to Mikey's house and a whole gang of us played manhunt, and then a game The Sneek brought over called 'Things'. Good times! Lastnight was the GCVI film festival and that was a blast too! A film called 'The Mullberry Bush' won the grand prize, but my favorite was easily 'All together Now' which featured a bunch of eccentrics dancing down Kirkland street to the tune of The Doors. BRAVO!! :-D ...heh, I like! But that actually wasn't the highlight of my (yester)day. The actual highlight of my (yester)day was going downtown with The Maestro to get a computer priced and get plastic cups that Mikey forgot. I know that's a little strange, but he can even make such tasks as going to the dollar store fresh and exciting! lol!

NiTe NiTe!!

xoxo

"I am INVEENCEEBLE!"

wearing: dark blue flare jeans, warm socks, Canada shirt and Rugby sweater.
eating: a body smarts and some apricots. :-D Me hungy!
listening to: The Ataris cover of "Boys of Summer"

Well, my day was pretty good if one were to so casually ignore my finger-breakage, directly followed by my near-drownage. Actually, it's more of a painful ignorance than a casual one, on account of my finger-breakage. Well... finger-sprainage, to be precise. ...And it was more along the lines of a 'hair-wettage' than a 'near-drownage'. But for the sake of drama, the finger's broken and I nearly drowned, dammit!!
This morning at rugby we were working on depth - there was some maaad depth going on, I might add. :-) Anyways, we did the 'barbecue' drill, which involved me catching this kamikaze rugby ball - I think Katrina threw it at me, but anyways, she threw it HARD and that was my little mishap. Yep! That's my battle scar! ...Then right after my practice I had (O, Joy!) a swim test! Now, an optimist would be about right in saying that I'm not a good swimmer. But I managed 2 lengths with clothes on, 4 lengths in my swimsuit and 5 minutes of treading water. (All the while repeating in my head the phrase "STAY AWAY FROM THE LIGHT!" heh... you know... as in the proverbial light at the end of the dark tunnel...) Luckily though, the skills I lack at swimming I believe I more than make up for in my canoeing ability. ...Which will come in handy on the trip I'm taking next week. :-) Yesterday I went canoeing with Andrew (who has yet to be nicknamed) and, for the while that I was in the stern, we were going pretty much where we wanted to go. However. When we switched positions - me in front, him in back - for some reason we progressively zig-zaged away from the group and closer to the waterfall... hmm. And when our instructor was explaining a canoe's tendency to tip when your center of balance is higher up, I promptly stood up and did the chicken dance! :-D ...To which Andrew promptly voiced his objections. Good times.

Anywhoo, my knuckle has now swollen to approximately twice the size as the other ones, and I must say, it hurts like a maaad mother! I'd best be going!

Tally ho!

Stinky Socks

wearing: blue cat jammies and socks. big ones.
eating: nothin'
listening to: "wherever you will go" by The Calling

"And maybe I'll find out a way to make it back someday, to walk you, to guide you, through the darkest of your days. If a great wave should fall, and fall upon us all, well then I hope there's someone out there who can bring me back to you."

I LOVE that song.

I'm not really in a self-bashing mood right now, but at work I was reading my journal. (I brought it with me lest The Mother should stumble 'pon it. She thinks I'm gettin' my freak on when I'm out on the weekends, and so, the likelihood of her just happening to come across it has increased. ;-) ) Anyways, I was readin my journal, reminiscing the good times back at CELP with Him, Her and Whatserface... and then I thought to myself "Hey, this girl can be a jerk!" And then I pondered... - It's true. I can be a jerk. In the front part of my journal, it details a bright, new, blossoming friendship! Aww, isn't that just DEAR! ...but then when you get to March you see it being tossed aside like a stinky old sock.
...For a fresh, new sock! Hehehehehehe! I love my new sock! Even when it's smelly... NOTHING COMES BETWEEN ME AND MY SOCK!!! *pounds fist* Har har har!
Well... now that I've had that reflection, I'm turning over a new leaf! :-D I pledge allegiance to my socks, new and old! No sock gets left behind!!

Peace.
(oh, you know what's funny? Last year sometime, I didn't write in my journal for a good month, and I picked it up and started gushing about a little crush I had on some guy called The Maestro... and here are the last lines of my two-page entry:
The only person who knows I like him is Meg. I actually jokingly made a screen name on MSN about him: "YoU mAkE Me SmiLe, YoU bRiGhTeN mY DaY, NoW jUsT DoNt TeLL mE ThAt YoU'Re GaY" LOL. Anyways, I should go now... *PEACE*
(oh yeah, there's a war going on!)
d.i.t.z.y.

Thank you, thank you very much!
xoxo

I'm Only Happy When it Rains

wearing: white capris, army shirt, white shirt
eating: nothing.
listening to: Faith Hill's 'Cry' (not a bad idea right now...)

I snuck in at 2:30 without waking my mom up -- WOO HOO!!!!!!

We were going to see Kill Bill Vol. 2 tonight. But we didn't. We rented another movie instead, and to be completely honest, I forget it already. But alas, I have no regrets. Me and my friends talked! :-) (Yay talking!) And even though I'm in an odd emotional state right now I can see and feel things a lot more clearly, which is good. And bad. But mostly good.
The only reason I say it's bad is because now I know that my inner antipathy regarding a certain someone is there to stay. It's not something I asked for, but then again, it's not something that can be helped. This person isn't exactly condemned in my eyes, I just know we'll never be close (at least not anytime in the near future) because deep down, there's a coldness I've come to feel for them. It's not something I'm proud of... it's not like me at all!! But like I said, I haven't an inkling of what to do about it, it's just something I've learned to accept as best I can.

*breathes*

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Smile. Inner peace. (Almost.) Hehehehe... Okay, time for me to stop tip-toeing around matters at hand! *ahem* *straightens imaginary neck tie*
I'm not going to go into detail about any of my 'pains', but believe me, they're there. I'm just going to say that talking was good, because now I have confidence to do what all along I knew I've been needing to do - which is work on this damn barrier between me and The Maestro. I always let it slide when we're together because I'm just so happy to be around him, but when I look back on it, it frustrates the hell out of me. I respect his feelings more than anything, and now I'm more aware of the 'been hurt before' element which probably contributes a lot to his dislike of sharing emotions... which is one of the things that hurts me the most. I'm willing to give it time though. I care about him so much! (If you are reading this, you know how I feel...)
I just know I'm going to cry when it's time to talk to him face to face, lol! Argh, I hate crying in front of people!!

And on that happy note, it's time for bed!! :-D

xoxo