I'm Only Happy When it Rains

wearing: white capris, army shirt, white shirt
eating: nothing.
listening to: Faith Hill's 'Cry' (not a bad idea right now...)

I snuck in at 2:30 without waking my mom up -- WOO HOO!!!!!!

We were going to see Kill Bill Vol. 2 tonight. But we didn't. We rented another movie instead, and to be completely honest, I forget it already. But alas, I have no regrets. Me and my friends talked! :-) (Yay talking!) And even though I'm in an odd emotional state right now I can see and feel things a lot more clearly, which is good. And bad. But mostly good.
The only reason I say it's bad is because now I know that my inner antipathy regarding a certain someone is there to stay. It's not something I asked for, but then again, it's not something that can be helped. This person isn't exactly condemned in my eyes, I just know we'll never be close (at least not anytime in the near future) because deep down, there's a coldness I've come to feel for them. It's not something I'm proud of... it's not like me at all!! But like I said, I haven't an inkling of what to do about it, it's just something I've learned to accept as best I can.

*breathes*

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Smile. Inner peace. (Almost.) Hehehehe... Okay, time for me to stop tip-toeing around matters at hand! *ahem* *straightens imaginary neck tie*
I'm not going to go into detail about any of my 'pains', but believe me, they're there. I'm just going to say that talking was good, because now I have confidence to do what all along I knew I've been needing to do - which is work on this damn barrier between me and The Maestro. I always let it slide when we're together because I'm just so happy to be around him, but when I look back on it, it frustrates the hell out of me. I respect his feelings more than anything, and now I'm more aware of the 'been hurt before' element which probably contributes a lot to his dislike of sharing emotions... which is one of the things that hurts me the most. I'm willing to give it time though. I care about him so much! (If you are reading this, you know how I feel...)
I just know I'm going to cry when it's time to talk to him face to face, lol! Argh, I hate crying in front of people!!

And on that happy note, it's time for bed!! :-D

xoxo