Gettin' Back the Groove

Mood: giddy
Music: everybody wants to rule the world - tears for fears

I havn't written in a coon's age because my schedual for the past few days has looked like:

HOMEWORK BABYSIT WORK sleep eat breathe, etc.

It's true, I tell you! Lastnight I was up 'till 2:30am writing my major Hamlet essay which I had convieniently forgotten about untill late this passing Sunday afternoon. The litterary masterpiece I cooked up lastnight is actually nothing like the origional product, frantically typed late on said Sunday afternoon, (which contains such relivant and insightful phraises as "The Battle of Britian would not have been quite the same had it taken place in Nigeria" and "Gah! Etc." and claimes that the movie is directed not by Laurence Olivier, but by a similar-sounding brand of pasta, and goes by the title "Hamlet is a Wingnut") ...which I am quite glad for, though Claire found amusement in the origional copy which made me happy. I am glad since seeing as my final copy is nothing like the working copy in any discernable way, it can only be an indication of one thing -- that it is very very well done. :-)

And I have a big huge crush on Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet! *swoon*

Yesterday at the store, I spied a white chocolate Aero bar and decided to myself that it was something that just had to be experienced first hand. So today after school I did just that... and it is very very tasty and indulgent and somehow awakens in me the desire to watch something with Jude Law in it, or maybe even pop by Mrs. Suzuki's room for a bit of Hamlet.

Mmmmmhmm.



Ta Da.

basket hat

Mood: pleasant :-)
Music: Our Lady Peace - 4 am

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I am officially starting a new tradition - every morning prior to departing my abode, I am going to put my pants in the dryer because let me tell you... on a cold day such as the present, nothing warms you up like a snug, freshly-tumbled pair of pantaloons. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

:-)

Last night I once again joined my lovely school friend Amy at her weekly CELL meeting. (I believe it means 'Christians Enthusiastically Living Large', and does not have anything to do with the fact that Amanda drives while talking on her cell phone - BAD AMANDA!)
Anyhow. CELL -- It was swell! And lastnight it dawned on me that aside from proping it up to sheild myself from the glaring rays emitted by my digital alarm clock, I haven't really touched my Bible in about a month or two. ...Or three. (BAD ANNELIESE!) Heh... anyways, I'm going to get on that little problem of mine.

But now I give you X number of things I like about my Bible Thumpers! (I mean it in the nicest way, honest.)

1. They make me laugh
2. They see "firefighters". Everywhere. ...which makes me laugh.
3. They collect baskets!!
4. They make me feel good about my bowling skills
5. They are interested when I mention CELP and understand that I am not referring to seaweed
6. They provide me with coca-cola and tasty snacks
7. They are 'fun' to drive with
8. They are accepting

(Note: I've never been a church-goer on account of I wasn't brought up in any religion, but I do enjoy Jesus. Jesus gets my party started!)

In other news - Mikey is writing a (fictional) story complete with ME! It has ME in it! Go ME!!

Now go read Mikey's story!

Ta Da.

Woooowzerz!

Music: Jewel - Enter from the East

HOLY MOLY!!!!

Guess what! This is going to shock and amaze you, but -- I CAN'T HOLD IT IN ANY LONGER!!! GAH!!

Get this -- watercolour painting? IT'S WET!! Yeah. You heard me. WET!

...Consequently proving to be not a good place to put your elbows. GO FIGURE!

...I am a dumbass. Woo Hoo! Three cheers for me!

Ta Da!

Dirty Little Secret...

Mood: lightheartedly disgusted with myself
Music: The Unicorns - Child Star

Hey everybody! Wanna know something funny?

Okay! ...Get ready for it!

I have the hots for a 44 year old.

Haha. ...My first intention was to allot you some puking time, but then I said to myself "Hey! Johnny Depp is 41 and George Clooney is 43 so if I happen to enjoy a little Kenneth Branagh, all the frickin' power to me!!!"

That's right. After enduring a seemingly endless four-something hours of Hamlet in English class I realized that even though the guy isn't terribly sexy, his voice sure is. Hell, his voice is friggin' seductive!! *Especially* when he's exteremly angry. (I know it sounds sick, but belive me!!!)

*swoon*

Okay. Now that I've publically admitted to that, I think I'm going to go and laugh at myself for a good long while.


Toodles!

Hot Potato!

Mood: cheerful
Music: Beatles - I am the Walrus

Damn straight I'm the walrus!

Today I got my hair did. It looks like this. Right now it smells like this. When I am in sunlight, there is red in my hair - which makes me look something like this -- That's right! I am a total hottie!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heh heh.

Also - If you are bored and your father is hooked up to a blood pressure machine, just for kicks try yelling things like: "Hey Dad! I'M PREGNANT!!! ...HaHa! Just joking! "
Trust me. It's hi-larious!

Ta Da!

Zap!

Mood: chillaxin'
Music: Sheryl Crow - Wild Horses (Stones cover)

My nails are too long to do anything proficient like typing at a keyboard, and so they are being cut now.

Today was not the greatest day in the world, but I've had worse. This morning I got up early, showered and dusted off my arsenal of makeup to make pretty for my photo re-takes (I looked a little drunk in take one). By the time I got to the aud, there were dozens of little pretty girls and pretty boys already in line and so I ended up waiting for forty-five minutes listening to people discuss what kind of drugs they've smoked, et cetera. While that was all good and fun, after returning to my classroom and praying to God for the next 15 minutes that Mrs Seibert wouldn't bite my head off for taking forty-five minutes to get my picture taken (It was not my fault, the kid that was doing cards in my lineup must have been on some horrible kind of ritalin because he triple-checked every letter he wrote down and my name happens to be sixteen bloody letters long.) I had to creep back up to the aud for the 10am stage crew photo opp. I got there just in time at 9:58am to watch them take the picture without me in it.

Excuse me? Woman with the camera? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM??? I am Anne, the child wonder, the very essence of your motherf***ing STAGE CREW!!! ...but nooo, there will be no retakes on account of Jostens are a bunch of dykes who don't believe in doing things when they're supposed to be done and haven't heard of carrying extra film with them. GRRRR! She'd best thank her lucky stars that I wasn't born with laser beams implanted into my eyeballs because if I was then she'd be feeling extra crispy right about now.

I was pretty mad, and mad at The Maestro too because it's his little organization - therefore making it his fault, but I didn't know then that the dyke bitches were rushing things... so it's not his fault and I'm sorry for wishing lasers at him and at Mikey too for that matter. Oh, speaking of The Maestro, check out this totally hot picture I took of him. Does that not just cause you to spasm in a violent fit of lust? Oh... really? Uh... me neither...

Anyways I went for a walk and saw a cute puppy and so I was happy again.

Ta Da!

My Headache.

Mood: grumbly
Music: everybody wants to rule the world - tears for fears

I.

Hate.

Hamlet.



ta da!

"Okay Bumhead"

Mood: passive
Music: The Killers - Smile like you Mean It

Today I had the pleasure of working with a down syndrome girl who I thought was twelve. She kept talking about her little boyfriend and how he wanted to get married to her (aww, how cute -- right?) and her dad had promised to take her to McDonalds if she was good, so of course I thought she was just some little kid being adorable. ...Turns out she's a year older than me!

For the purpose of blogging, I will call her Miss A. Miss A was a riot. Still under the impression that she was twelve, she asked me for a People magazine and of course of all the People magazines I could have chosen I snatched up the one with Sarah Jessica Parker on the front of it, and all you hear is "WHY I QUIT SEX!" (Heh... the little girl said sex - hahaha!) That opened the door to a conversation about her boyfriend. (Aww, the little girl has a little boyfriend!)

The Dad: "[Miss A] has a boyfriend now."
All: giggle
The Dad: "You've known him for a while, havn't you, [A]?"
Miss A: "Yeah. We didn't used to like eachother very much but now we love eachother."
The Dad: "They used to hate eachother in grade school. He was a bad influence..."
Miss A: "Yeah, he taught me swears and stuff. Finger swears."
Alison: "But he's a changed man now, right?"
Miss A: "Yeah he's not like that anymore. No bad stuff like swears and, and having sex!"
Silence
The Dad: "But we don't do that, right [A]?"
Silence
The Dad: "...Right, [A]?"

She also has quite the affliction with Mark. She kept calling him Mr. [Alison's last name] and finally as she was having her hair rinsed, Alison corrected her.

Alison: "That isn't Marks last name, though. Mark's last name is Rogers."
Miss A: "... Mr. Rogers?
*smirk*
Hey Alison... Mr. Rogers!!"
Alison: supressing laughter "It's not nice to make fun of people's names."
Miss A: " ...I love you."

Heh... So as you have probably figured out, I quite enjoy little Miss A. ...She has everthing figured out!

The Dad: "So who's going to be paying for this great big wedding of your's?"
Miss A: "Matthew is."

Haha, You go girl! ...I love my job.

(wtf, I just tried typing in "google" and instead I put "gooelf"...sounds like a booger or something.)

Lastnight I went and saw The Incredibles (apparently I remind Mikey of Violet). Go see it. Now.

Ta Da!

Open Letter to the Father of the Very Best Daughter in the World

Dearest Father,
There comes a time in every young woman's life when she needs to explore the world, push the boundaries, see what life has to offer her. It is natural, in the process of growing up, for a girl to seek adventure, bravely lunging off the beaten path of womanhood in persuit of finding her true self.
However, in these times the world can be a dangerous place. I am thankful for the years of wonderful guidance you have given me, replenishing my mind in times of drought with your never-ending fountain of knowledge. Unfortunately in these times it is not enough just to be a wonderful and loving parent, for love alone will not protect your children in the dark, tangled woods that are their lives. What could be a more meaningful gift than prepairing your child for what lies ahead?
There is a way to avert certain disaster and ensure the happiness and safety of your beloved offspring-- what better way to travel off the beaten path than in a shiny new flame red Jeep Wrangler Sport, fully loaded with air conditioning, 7-speaker 6-cd changer AM/FM sterioP225/75R15 standard. 30" tire & wheel group, chrome, full metal doors and a leather-wrapped steering wheel (for, you know, that added grip when the roads get icy)?
The plan is absolutely 100% completely fool-proof. Your child (me), is insured a safe, wonderful and happy future, and as for yourself, you reach the coveted summit of fine parenting. Plus, no flame red Jeep Wrangler Sport, fully loaded with air conditioning, 7-speaker 6-cd changer AM/FM sterioP225/75R15 standard. 30" tire & wheel group, chrome, and full metal doors is ever truly complete without a person as cute as me happily pearched behind it's leather-wrapped stearing wheel.

Rest assured, it is for the better good of all humankind.

Sincerely,
Your loving daughter,
~Anneliese



PS. It's okay to dream...

101 Things you Needed to Know About Your Anneliese

1. My real-life name is Anneliese Joan Neumann
2. I will also respond to "Anne", "Annie", "Liese", "Gorgeous" or any other variation of my first name
3. I will hurt the person who attempts to address me by any variation of my last name [insert Seinfeld joke here. Haha you’re so funny!]
4. As opposed to popular belief, the origin of my name is German Greek and not Dutch
5. My background is German and Irish. This makes me Germish.
6. My name means grace, devotion, and "Oath of God"
7. I believe in Buddha and Jesus.
8. I was born on February 7, 1987
9. This makes me an Aquarius
10. This also makes me a Rabbit
11. I can swear in English, French and German
12. Up until the sixth grade, I thought Hamlet was about a pig
13. I really like bacon on things (salads, subs, pizza… mmmmm, crispy bacon!)
14. I fell down a flight of concrete stairs before I could walk
15. When I landed I smashed my face into an iron grate
16. This happened when my dad was watching me
17. I am a daddy’s girl
18. I have a permanent scar above my right eye
19. Chicks dig scars
20. I am not a lesbian, though I own a pair of lesbian pants and also play rugby
21. Bisexuals think I’m hot
22. I have also been told that I make a hot Goth
23. I like to eat mint chocolate chip ice cream
24. I can eat all the mint chocolate chip ice cream I want and not get fat. Envy me!
25. I was a fat in grade 7… hahaha! Fatty! Harrrr!
26. I like pirates
27. I have my eyebrow pierced, like a pirate
28. When I watch Pirates of the Caribbean, I find myself extremely attracted to Johnny Depp
29. When I watch anything I find myself extremely attracted to Johnny Depp
30. …with the exception of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
31. I am generally attracted to dark-haired, dark-eyed individuals (ie. Dickface …not actually his real name)
32. Freud is full of shit poo. The entire paternal side of my family is blond.
33. Ceramic baby dolls scare the friggin’ bejesus out of me
34. I make homosexuals giggle because I am ‘tiny’
35. I wonder to myself if they are secretly referring to my rack
36. I am shorter than Uma Thurman and taller than Christina Aguilera
37. I am cleverly disguised as 5’5"
38. In China that’s hot
39. My hair is light brown
40. My eyes are hazel
41. My skin colour ranges from pale to very pale
42. I have one little brother. He looks like me
43. I have several beauty marks, which means I’m beautiful
44. My favorite beauty mark is located below my pants and above my undies – it’s name is Homer
45. I have an odd habit of naming my body parts
46. My breasts are to be addressed as Betty and Veronica
47. I giggle upon reading the word "butt"
48. I cannot say "toy boat" five times fast without saying "toy boyt"
49. I hate the feeling of stepping into a hot bath with cold feet
50. Last time I was drunk I listened to Simple Plan
51. I have been sober for exactly one year, four months and one day
52. My use of the word ‘sober’ is debatable
53. I enjoy cheese! Glorious cheese!
54. I was obsessed with N*SYNC
55. I wanted to marry Chris Kirkpatrick
56. I taught myself the choreography to the song "Bye Bye Bye"
57. I am extremely ashamed of facts 54 through 56
58. I used to say "Jew Jew" instead of "jube jube"
59. I am not anti-Semitic, though I know of many a joke
60. I laughed when I first heard the jokes
61. I have been told I am going to hell. According to the Dante’s inferno test, I am going to limbo purgatory
62. According to Myers-Briggs, I am either an INFP or an ENFP
63. My first word was ‘mess’
64. My mother believes it was prophetic
65. I have hyperextendable joints in my fingers and thumbs, which has grossed out many a person
66. I find it comes in handy for playing video games
67. If I were a man for a day, I would jump up and down to see if it feels as funny as it looks
68. I have never seen a real-life penis
69. If I saw a real-life penis I don’t know weather I would scream and cry or laugh and point
70. I actively participate in playing "the penis game"
71. I am chaste
72. I own a garment I like to call my ‘chastity thong’ – it’s blue with a silver key ornament on it
73. I also own a pair of granny panties with big red hearts all over them
74. I am wearing them right now
75. I have waded thigh-deep through beaver shit poop.
76. Wading thigh-deep through beaver shit poop strengthens friendships, but ruins running shoes
77. My entire outdoor ed. class has seen my ass on two separate occasions
78. The first time involved a mishap with an old pair of jeans and a game of curling…
79. The second time involved being marooned on an island with lots and lots of sugar.

80. On my last canoe trip I became dehydrated because I refused to drink Tang
81. I can eat an entire case of butter tarts in one sitting
82. Neve Campbell babysat me two times
83. I have a gay cousin named Carson who has his own backyard makeover show
84. I always cry at the end of Armageddon
85. I like Armageddon despite the fact that it features both Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck and is a completely stupid movie
86. Albeit the fact that I am straight, I think Liv Tyler is really sexy
87. I had a pet chicken once
88. I also had a pet deer
89. I named it Bambi
90. I have always been very creative
91. When I was four, I asked my mother if I could legally change my name to Starlight Sparkles
92. I was completely serious about the name change
93. I used to like the taste of pancakes and gingerale
94. I know how to work a blowtorch
95. My dad taught me how to drive when I was twelve
96. My dad also taught me how to make a rocket ship out of a hairspray bottle. WEE!
97. I might sell my soul for a piece of cheesecake
98. I can hit all the notes in the song "I Believe In a Thing Called Love"
99. This rare trait of mine irritates and amazes many people
100. When I was ten, I drew a gigantic picture of somebody’s butt on my left forearm with permanent black marker which resulted in an enraged mother scrubbing me down with turpentine
101. Some people think I’m strange

Random Observation -

This morning I woke up and started screaming when I realized there was a picture of Nelly on my wall.

I guess that's just what you get for not decorating your room since the 8th grade.

Over.

Real Friends Stab You In The Front

Mood: mooooody
Music: Outkast - Bombs Over Baghdad

Pepsi, when consumed warm and in conjunction with leftover vegetarian pizza, is able to induce SARS-like symptoms. I don't recommend it.

-INSERT VENT!-

I have once again entered into one of my infamous phases of shitty. It all started last night when there was talk of what everyone was doing this weekend. Word of an improv party arose. Word of someone that has absolutely nothing to do with improv being invited to the improv party arose. Visions of a person A and a person B engaged in the act of copulation* on the sober couch arose. I became pissy. Opinions were stated. Opinions went too far. There was block-age afoot. Then came the the tears. Then came The Mother. Then stayed The Mother. Then came the wandering the streets until midnight to keep The Mother at bay.
Sleep was terrible... eventually the sun rose. I did not. When I finally did haul my ass out of bed, I discovered that upon my decision to wander the streets instead of confide in her, The Mother had also become pissy. A comment along the lines of "You can't expect to hop on the mother-daughter bond-wagon after seventeen years of neither-here-nor-there parenting" was stated. Curse words were exchanged. Jake the Snake and I were given the assignment of making a list of all the ways The Mother has failed us as a parent, and I asked to make it "especially cutting and mean" to show it's from me.
...I think she expected me to give up and revoke my comment, but as of this moment I'm nearing the two-page mark.

Harsh?

If you think about all the times in my childhood that I yearned to spend time with her and she elected to preoccupy herself with a glass of wine and the latest issue of Chatelaine, it seems rather fitting - I learned to turn away from her, did I not? Besides, this is the person who has, for our entire lives, tried to find something wrong with us. First I was "deaf". Then I was "suicidal". Then I had "ADD". Then I was "on drugs". Apparently at the moment my brother is an obsessive-compulsive schitzophrenic.

...Give me a friggin' break.


*I did not actually envision "the act of copulation" because picturing those people naked would be just gross. And wrong. And I'm not necessarily saying they're 'oww I hurt my eyes' kind-of gross, it's more like an 'I can picture you just fine with your clothes on' kind-of gross. I just used that example to convey to you the feeling of vulgarity I have towards the whole incestuous, stab-you-in-the-back-betrayal-of-friendship-x2 sort of shenanigans. ...If you know what I mean.

-END VENT!-

Sooo... that's what's up with me.

But some good things about today include:
-I got a hug from an old friend, Lady Red.
-Nathan gave me a ride. ...As in he drove me home. In his car. He is now officially not annoying anymore! Yay for Nathan!
-I put makeup on Megs!
-Megs won a snooty award. They read the contents of her scholarship application in front of the entire congregation. She was embarrassed. It was funny.
-My kitty is officially not dieing anymore.

One more thing. Last night I had a dream that I broke into Blondie's house to watch TV in her basement. Her mom came home. We made salads together.
Yeah... I don't know either.

Looking out for No. 1

Mood: Bed... I want to go to bed... why am I not in bed right now? Gah!
Music: David Bowie - Let's Dance

Hey, the title of this entry kind of says "looking out for no one" dude... I feel some emo coming on.
Before I get to my meme I would like to say that I have a cool neighbour. One time last summer I was listening to David Bowie - Major Tom (hehe) really loud and he came over and told my mom how impressed he was to be hearing that - And with not a hint of sarcasm! Declan, I salute you!

1. Pet Peeves: people who are inconvieniently vain (omg I can't go out in PUBLIC, would you look at my hair?!?) people who don't have anything to say, yet never seem to shut up *cough*JoelBandy*cough*cough* ...Phew, pardon me. ;-) People who play dumb or feign innocence, and people who are just too dumb to know the difference. I also am peeved by boys that like their hair too much.
2. Favorite Sounds: the soft breathing of an endeared individual as they sleep... rain on my window, rain on the ground, rain on anything except a leaky tent that I'm sleeping in, haha! Friendly laughter, and the sound of wilderness when canoeing with friends (peace, freedom). And the sound of a piano being played by someone who knows how.
3. Favorite Flavors of Candy: sour watermelon, vanilla, and damn near anything smothered in chocolate :-)
4. Biggest Fears: lonliness, being lied to by people I care about... and, I'd have to say drunken autistic men at the bus stop.
5. Biggest Challenges: keeping a straight face when my mother gets angry. She's a comedian, people!
6. Favorite Department Stores: uhh... value village? Other than that, I got nuffin.
7. Most Used Words: "heh." "pfft!" "So, how are things?"
8. Favorite Pizza Toppings: pineapple, bacon, tomato, extra cheese
9. Favorite Cartoon Characters: Cartman, Cosmo, Spongebob... te he he!
10. Movies Recently Watched: Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, Donnie Darko, The Grudge
11. Favorite Fruits: Strawberries, raspberries, kiwi, pineapple
12. Favorite Vegetables: cucumbers, potatoes, corn on the cob, and peppers (as long as they're not green! BAHHHHH!)

Hey, speaking of emo--great balls of fire!! I just found a picture of Matt Brill on the internet!!

Heh.

...Over.

Happy -belated- Halloween

Mood: blah
Music: Radiohead - There There

This halloween we were visited by twenty kids. And Tanya. Mmm... Leftover candy.

Now I have a funny candy story to tell! It was only the 26th of October, but this year Anneliese had begun her standard candybar thefting a little early. It did not take long for such sneakery to be detected in the ever-knowing presence of The Alert One (a.k.a The Mother), what with all the bag-rustling and such. So, being the saviour that she is, she sprung into action, pryed the unopened wonderbars from the grasp of her poor, sugar-crazed daughter, and hid the candy - because heaven forbid there may not be enough candy cover every random child that meanders up our doorstep! Such disaster would surely be of unspeakable proportions.
However, come 5:30 Halloween night, The Mother cannot recall where she stashed the candy and GOOD GOD THE KIDS WILL BE HERE AT ANY MINUTE! AHHHHHH! Which can only mean one thing - That evil daughter of hers must have stolen the candy! Anneliese, who had done no such thing, saw the irony of the situation - that in attempting to prevent the disapearence of the candy, The Mother had seemingly lost it entirely - and of course was overcome with laughter that apparently did not help her credibility. As punishment for displaying such a sick sense of humor in a dire time of total crisis(!!), Anneliese was forced to search for the candy with a raving madwoman on her back and GOOD LORD, IT DISAPPEARED! EVERYTHING IS RUINED AND OH! MY! GOD! THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!! AND I AM GOING TO KEEP SCREAMING LIKE A CRAZY PERSON BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS THAT SCREAMING FIXES EVERYTHING!! AHHHH! AHHHH! AHHHH!!!
...And so the candy was located five minutes later in the back of her closet. Heh... real graceful, Mother.

Anyways... How about that election tonight? Said to be one of the most important political events in decades. The fate of America, nay, the world for the next four years is to be decided tonight! It's history in the making, folks- say wha? OH MY GOD! JOHNNY DEPP IS ON OPERA! AHHHHH!!!

ciao!