Too Cool For School

wearing: deftones shirt, light jeans, checkered belt, white shoes, green socks
eating: nothin'
listening to: 'hand me down' by Matchbox 20

It is lunch time. But, lo! I am not at school! How come? Because lunchtime at school has gone from being the best part of my day to downright sucking. And no offence to the people in the English hall, because I don't think it has too much to do with them, but that hall is atrociously dull. Lunchtime in that hall is 75 minutes of pure endurance, and wishing I was somewhere else.

I liked eating with The Maestro and those people, and I would go with them if you know, The Maestro gave a care and the thought of waiting for me crossed his mind. But it doesn't, or maybe it does but he doesn't care - same difference. And you know, that's probably why I'm home right now. Because I'm mad or something (I don't know) and I want to bitch about it. Hurray for bitching! I would go up to him like I used to, but that's weird for me now. I feel like we're so fake, that's why I can't go up to him or really talk to him anymore. We're fake because for him to be 'with' me isn't right with him, and for me to pretend that everything's just peachy keen and I don't 'have feelings' for him anymore is an outright lie to myself and to everybody...
I'm sooooo confused about him right now. All at once, I feel angry, hurt, cold, bitter and spiteful towards him, but also and equally I deeply care about him, I like him, and I want to be by his side. But I feel so ignored... I used to feel appreciated, but now he pays me even less attention than he does to some people he's not even that close to. It's so confusing and frustrating! I mean, nothing went wrong...

Well... he's the one that wanted this friendship, so he better start putting some effort into it now or else there will be no friendship and we'll become strangers. Which isn't what I want, but seeing as he's got me so confused, this is his move right now.

I'd better mosie!