Oh, Take Me Back To The Start. . .

Mood: gush-y
Music: slipknot - vermillion (not the most philosophical of music, but bare with me people.)
Number of Days that Remain 'till International Anneliese Day: 9!!!

Okay. I went to Soul Jam tonight (rock on) and I may or may not get to that eventually, but anyways, downstairs someone was (or it sounded like it anyways) playing Coldplay's 'The Scientist' on the piano (w00t!), and so I was singing the chorus to myself:

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard...
Oh take me back to the start

And then I was reminded of a conversation I had with Spunki about a week and a half ago, en route to the grand 'ol improv night (which come to think of it, I did't write about either. Ha!). I was remarking on my life as of late, and how if in September or October I was to honestly share how I felt it would sound something like "My life sucks!" and I'd have given anything, anything in the world to go back and change some things that happened in May. *ahem.* Yeah. You know what I'm talking about...
However, since November/December things have taken an absolute turn for the better (much of which I accredit to CELL) and I feel like I'm finally out of the turmoil I was living in for a lousy six months and I can step back and look at it as something that's behind me, something I've conquered. And it was scary for a while, because for months every single day felt like something I'd never conquer... gah!! I guess it was August where it got to the point where I needed out of my situation - and I'm not connoting suicide by any means, because I am a person of strong morals and that is something to which I am morally opposed... allow me to explain. The only thing in the world that would drive me to suicide would probably be lonliness, which I was, but that's beside the point. The act of commiting suicide is, in my eyes, the lonliest act within the reaches of human capability - you are isolated from all others, far from God, and essentially completely submitting yourself to the thing you so desperately wanted to get away from in the first place. It's senseless, though I do feel compassion for some of the people who try and go through with it.
Anyways... I figured that I needed out and so that left me with two options: A) Seek out careless thrills and probably wind myself up in all the wrong places or B) Take my chances and put all my faith in total strangers (ie. Debra, my social worker who I see for talk therapy and Amy, my lone contact to the group of people that are now arguably the highlight of my week).
...Incase you didn't know, I elected to go with option B.
A wise choice. I remember back in the summer reading something by some psychologist that said it'd probably take a year for me to feel normal again -- Pfft. Sucks to your year, Mr. Psychology! I could so kick James Cameron's ass 'cause I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!!!

w00t!

Wow, watch me work this blog, people! I'm on a roll!
Anyways... I would definately not go back now. I know it was hard, and I know it really sucked, but I also see that if I didn't go through all that, I wouln't have made eight new friends and I wouldn't be as strong as I am now. It's like my little reward!

So, I thought to myself - sucks to you, Coldplay and Chris Martin. You go right on back to your start... Myself, well, I'm staying right here.
And so I did. And I enjoyed a riviting game of jenga to boot.

Cheerio!