Girls will be girls. ...God save us all...

Mood: irratated
Music: People are strange - The Doors

So top story for today is I called Blondie a bitch.

"*GASP*" You say. "Why ever would you, Anneliese, a more-or-less well adjusted, normally non-verbally abusive young lady utter such a vile nasty word at your friend, dear sweet little Blondie?"

Well, firstoff, I've come to realize that rather than finding her dear and sweet I've really found her rather irratating - on and off since May, but more specifically and importantly, since last Thursday. And it's not that I don't like her, it's not her that irratates me - it's her little joyrides with Derek that piss me off and her discreet "oh look at me, I'm so innocent" way going about it that piss me off even more so. And that she lied through her teeth about it only to dangle him infront of my face in the van a matter of days later. And that when she wasn't around I was the one that said "let's call [Blondie]" but when it came to the day of Mikey's birthday party and she was with Derek and Spunki I bet it never even occured to her to call me. And that she sends Derek these pathetic disgusting little e-mails that include such phraises as "you're the only one I can really talk to" when infact he's the only one she really tries to talk to. Phone calls from Cambridge? Nope, I never got one of those though I'm entirely sure the whole group knew I was home. E-mails? Nope, I never got one of those -- untill it was cover-your-ass time.

Last Thursday I couldn't find Derek on my spare anywhere because he was downtown, and I didn't see him untill he came prancing merrily around the corner - conjoined to who's hip? Oh look, it's Blondie. He's conjoined to Blondie's hip, everybody! I find it funny how he can be downtown and she can be in sociology and yet they manage to run into eachother... also they were too close when I approached them so I know something was up. Sneaking around with my ex-boyfriend, yeah the only person I've liked enough to go out with, the person who was my closest friend for a whole year, the only person I've felt the urge to be with, the only person I ever kissed for God's sake, the first person I ever loved, the person that I only wish I no longer had feelings for - yeah, him. What a good friend you are to go sneaking around with him. I appreciate it Christina I really do. (Sarcasm.)

That was Thursday.

Today I walked to class my normal way, by myself, as Mikey, Derek and Blondie went off down the butterfly hall into the new building. After art class I saw Derek -- I didn't know his classroom was in the same building as mine -- so, I went to go say hi to him, but before I caught up with him he had conjoined with Blondie... who was escorting him to class?!!? 'What kind of bullshit is this?' I thought to myself, but that's when I figured it out - the reason they ditch me in the morning must be so that they can go fondle eachother before class. How nice.

That girl knows better. Maybe she didn't know better at Wonderland, but she knew better on registration day and she damnwell knows better now, after we've talked about it! She's said she dosn't want to date him, and I distinctly recall her making a production out of saying so on Spunki's relationship quiz. So... what's up Blondie, are you a tramp or something? Are you easy? I personally don't think you are but I've argued with girls who do, so do I now have to go appologize to those people and tell them I was wrong?

I hate liars and hypocrites with a passion.

Well, it's pretty clear to me that this friendship is not going to work out so long as she's dancing aorund Derek. It hurts. It really really does, and I'm tired of holding it all in. I'm tired of being the human compromise so that everyone else can screw around, do whatever they want and "have fun". Maybe I did hurt her today by calling her a bitch. Maybe I'll feel bad about it later, but right now I feel like I'm breathing again after four months of holding my breath. Maybe she'll be up untill four o'clock in the morning because she thinks I hate her. I don't hate her. I'd like to slip her some LSD and stick her in a room full of clowns, though. I'm just really fed up.



A note on hurtful language - I am morally opposed to the use of foul language when directed towards other people, especially friends (even though in this case the term 'friend' is debateable). I don't think I'm slick or tough or a hot shot or anything for calling her that. I'd really rather not... people who use ugly language make themselves out to be ugly people. I don't like it, but if you push anything far enough it will break. ...And I don't think that justifies it, I guess I'm a weaker person than I'd like to be.


Time to go watch Edward Scissorhands again!