Confessions of a Fat Loser

"NO FOOD OR DRINK ON THE BUS"

Read the sign, as I hastly manuvered the cup of hazlenut ice cream from Laura Secord out of sight in hopes the bus driver hadn't noticed and I could still hitch a ride. But I wasn't quick enough.

"No food on the bus, even though I can see you hiding it behind your back" The bus driver said to me in a plainly accusatory tone.

...Damn. We'd have to catch the next one. My accomplice Caitlin and I staggered off the local transit vehicle and into a fit of giggles at poor Annie the Fatty's expense. My expense. It was nippy out, and we'd have to wait for the next bus - but gawd! For what it's worth, it was worth every little taste! For the rich, creamy sensations of that hazlenut and chocolate dream, why, I'd gladly get kicked off of a thousand busses!

But, soft! What light 'round yonder corner turns? Behold! It is none other than the illustrious glow of the approaching city bus - seven minutes late, but never more welcome!

"Hey Anne, we can catch this one!"
Quick, Fatty! Think fast! Save the ice cream - it's all that matters! ... ...THE PURSE!

I quickly stash the precious ice cream inside my already open Jack Skellington bag. Alas, it is safe. However, this shameless display of resourcefulness now has my accomplice in a relentless fit of laughter (possibly due to the fact that she was embarassed for the both of us) that threatens to give us away!

The bus driver was cranky and running late, so even though Caitlin was chorltling manically he didn't argue with us (or search us for drugs and/or hazlenut ice cream) and so we proceeded to the back of the bus, where I retrieved my delectable prize from it's hiding spot so that I could continue to savour it's frozen wonder. While Caitlin continued to laugh at me. All the way downtown.

...I have a feeling I havn't heard the end of this yet.
...I have a feeling that I may not hear the end of this for a very long time.

But dammmn! That's some fine ice cream.